#1
First real shot at writing lyrics. Got a full song ready for it as well. Anyway, C4C?

The Day Will Come
Verse 1
The day will come
when I won’t be here for you,
watching over you,
watching over you...

Chorus
Just watch me disappear,
vanish into thin air.
Just watch me walk away
from you.

Verse 2
The day will come
when you’ll come crawling,
on your knees,
straight back to me.

Chorus
Just watch me disappear,
vanish into thin air.
Just watch me walk away
from you.
Just watch me disappear,
vanish into thin air.
Just watch me walk away
from you.

[Solo]

Outro/Verse 3
The day will come
when I won’t be here for you,
watching over you,
watching over you...
#2
The Day Will Come
Verse 1
The day will come
when I won’t be here for you,
watching over you,
watching over you...
really limited idea presented here.
you won't be there.
the only thing that gives this any strength is the direct repetition.
if you're happy with the sound from all the 'W's, sure.
but as far as the meaning, you haven't gone far.


Chorus
Just watch me disappear,
vanish into thin air.
L2 is a fairly common phrase.
consider dissolving into the air.
you could even dissolve at the end of the first line
leaving plenty of space to do something interesting before you get to air
or whatever you choose to end the second line with.

Just watch me walk away
from you.
it'll do.
but this might be a good place to look for a different way of saying the same old thing.


Verse 2
The day will come
when you’ll come crawling,
come appearing twice is less than pleasant.
they could be crawling
the last line of this points the direction.

on your knees,
straight back to me.

Chorus
Just watch me disappear,
vanish into thin air.
Just watch me walk away
from you.
Just watch me disappear,
vanish into thin air.
Just watch me walk away
from you.

[Solo]

Outro/Verse 3
The day will come
when I won’t be here for you,
watching over you,
watching over you...

there isn't much here. good enough filler, but nothing that really stands out.
don't be afraid to look for a hook,
to put in either the chorus or an additional or replacement verse.
nothing here is highly dependent on what comes before or after.
the possibilities for addition/change are wide open.

i have enough crits on what i have up right now,
either pay it forward to a random, or visit my next.
or both. w/e.
Meadows
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