#1
i hope to get some feedback and helpful hints.....
if anyone can put it to music and record it...no matter how crappy i would be in debt to you for life!!!!!!

meant to be powerpop/pop-punk....but it can sound however you want it to!

I love you babe like nobody could know
but i made a mistake
left you for some hoe
now i need you back
but you dont want me
you found a new guy
better than i could ever be

<#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#>

chorus:
you just dont wanna be with me
but i cant live without you
and this life was meant for you and me
so why cant i be with you?
why cant i be with you?

<#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#> <#>

i miss you babe like a desert misses water
but a made a mistake
now im dying on the inside
though my outside shows
smiles and kisses

(chorus)

i need you babe like i need air
you're the reason i live and the reason i breathe

[(chorus) slowly?]

WHY CANT I BE WITH YOU?

k....so thats it....hope you can help
#3
Quote by xConverge
4th or so line in made me stop.
hoe?
are you some rapper?
edit: the whole thing is awful


3rd line dumbass.....learn to count
and its not supposed to be mean or anything.....its just how i feel....if you dont like it, give a suggestion for how to replace it....dont be a jerk.....
#4
First of all, the piece is not titled according to the forum rules. I suggest you go over those before posting it again.

Secondly, to xConverge - this is not how we give critiques here. Be constructive or be warned.
This is not a pipe