#1
um poem maybe but sang like time of my life by david cook.
you can like it or not
but dont flame me i normally dont write songs


when i was in pre-k i was just four
when i saw you i had this feeling i couldnt ignore

i went 6 years without a chance with you
i shed alot of tears yet still made it through

and when we changed schools it all went away
by the hints from my heart this aint the way

that we wanted to be so open your eyes
disney said true love never dies


(chorus)
so i show you my heart and let down my walls
out of all of lifes feelings love stumps them all
not many people know how i feel
the world does say that loves a big deal
(chorus)

we'll be together forever no doubt about that
im thinking of you now a matter of fact

im meant for you your meant for me
if our loves that strong ill kneel on one knee

and ask your hand in life and marriage
my futures in your eyes i can hardly bear it

you said yes i was thrilled
than one day you were killed

if i would of drove you might be alive
but thats what happens when you drink and drive

all through the funeral i did not speak
as a silent tear ran down my cheek


a silent night love stays true i close my eys and dream of you
a silent night a silent tear a silent prayer that you were here

how could i go on living this way
so i got on my knees and began to pray

what is my purpose for this world
i dont know what to do, you took my girl

(chorus)
so i showed god my heart and let down my walls
out of all of lifes feelings love stumps them all
not many people know how i feel
the world does say that loves a big deal
(chorus)

god told me to live my life i'm not through hear
so if your listening to me now i love you dear

my time has come my days are done
i've tried to find love and gave a good run

but i know your there in heaven you wait
just like i pictured as i enter the gates

there you are with your arms open wide
this is the moment our love didnt die

now as angels we live and advance in age
and we look at our life page by page

some may think our lifes at its end
but this is the page where it all begins


on page one is where my life began
this book of love has no end

when i was in pre-k i was just four
i said hello and that opened the door, to life

i took the right path i know its true
god had it planned i'd end up with you

when you were gone thought it all ended
this is love and what god intended
#2
Ok, alot of it felt like the rhymes were forced and alot of it also felt cliched. There's too much writing for me to specify.


However, good story, and I'm sorry if it is a true story . I liked how you brought the "pre-k" thing back from the beginning to the end, except, do kids even like girls that young?

I think it needs work but I certainly didn't dislike it. Well done.

Crit "underneath the street" in my sig?

EDIT: Forgot to mention, awesome title! I'm just not sure how it relates to the song other than the "love" factor. Again, good work.
#3
cupids curse is the name of the band.

but yea its kinda just a draft still rough around the edges
any suggestions ?