#1
ok i need to figure out lyrics for my band c what u guys think


verse:
every day you go and do your work
and every day your shot down
it just sucks to wake up and
find that every things fallin to the ground
yea every things fallin to the ground


so you head home from ur crappy job
and yo get home to an angry wife
you just wana forget everything about you life
but everythings fallin to the ground
yea every things fallin to the ground


So you run away


chorus:
so we run and drink and we smoke this life away
we cant wait till we find a place to rest in peice
we wana life fast and we wana die young
and we become just less

just less than the world around us
yea were just less,
less than the kids and the moms and the working dads
yea were just less


verse :
so u pick up ur guitar and u play some blues
but ur just so sick and tired of all the people around
all the people around you
all the angry and sad and the in between


so u become emotionless
yea u become just less,
just less than the world around you
(guitar strums last few chords slower)
yea you become just less


kay thats all
Last edited by theunseen13 at Jun 17, 2008,
#4
Quote by theunseen13
ok i need to figure out lyrics for my band c what u guys think


verse:
every day u go and do your work
and every day ur shot down
it just sucks to wake up and
find that every things fallin to the ground
yea every things fallin to the ground

Would you please explain, "and every day you get shot down" to me. Does that mean is refused a job? I don't get it... if he's "going to work" how could he "get shot down"?

so u head home from ur crappy job
and u get home to an angry wife
u just wana forget everything about ur life
but everythings fallin to the ground
yea every things fallin to the ground
Now it's clear where this song is headed, basically this guy doesn't have a good life."

So u run away
yea u run away
I'd need to hear the song, but I guess this would work.

chorus:
so we run and drink and we smoke this life away
we cant wait till we find a casket of our own
we wana life fast and die young
and we become just less
just less than the world around us
yea were just less
less than the kids and the moms and the working dads
yea were just less
So now there is a "we"? Sorry I'm not getting this, but please explain when you can" Otherwise, it stays with the "storyline" of the song and it all works good.


verse :
so u pick up ur guitar and u play some blues
but ur just so sick and tired of all the people around
all the people around you
all the angry and sad and the in between

so u bcome emotionless
yea u become just less
just less than the world around you
you become just less
I like these two verse-parts. I don't know if you meant to do this but I like how he plays the blues and becomes emotionless. I don't know why I like it but it's really good.

kay thats all
i had some cusin and stuff when we first wrote it and it did flow better
but imnot sure bout the rules with cusin so i just took it out
Cusin is cursing? I don't think it's necessary but w/e floats your boat I s'pose.



Overall, I love the general idea of the lyrics and the "story" of the guy. I think alot more can be done with it so keep working on it, don't just play it because it's there.

Crit "underneath the street" in my sig?
#5
I don't really know if it's good but I liked it A LOT!!! You may have written it for me (except I'm not married). Really cool, sensitive NOT GAY. There are a few things I don't understand, it may be because I'm not very good with expresions proper of the USA or maybe you're wrong, anyway, I LIKE IT!! Post mine!! Be uncool
#6
regardin the 0-52-a-50-r guy shot down is just another way of sayin put down
as for hearin the song its just a punk beat

with the we part it goes from that guy to a group of people which the guy i eventually turin into that type of people
#7
That make things clearer!!! Thanks!! It's pretty good! Do your band have MySpace or somethin?
#8
Quote by _brandon
Pretty gay
*reported*
Quote by theunseen13
kill yourself
dude, just ... don't.
if your thread gets spammed, just report it.
retaliate like this again, and i'll report you too.

back later to add my thoughts about the piece.
thanks for your comments on mine.

Edit: this is better than it looks on the page.
needs tweaking for sure,
but u and ur instead of you, your, you're look hideous.
yes, it's kewl to write that way,
but if you want anyone to take you seriously, write it out.
wanna instead of want to works just fine, no worries.
the difference being, it indicates the sound (not the same as want to) when spoken.
u is just lazy. it sounds the same as you.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Jun 15, 2008,
#9
def. agree about "u" and "ur" but if that's what ya wanna do then so be it. Nice piece otherwise.
#10
yea thanks for that advise i just changed it and a couple words
Despite what you've been told, I once had a soul