#1
well I'm just putting this up cause I feel like getting some feedback on my work and it's been awhile...

it seems pretty cool to me right now. It's obviously not even close to being finished so it just stops abruptly but I like the direction it's going in. any help on where to take it would be awesome though. hope it's a fun listen

crit for crit too


and the last part where everything cuts out but the guitar continues is just the idea that I'm currently testing. I don't plan on keeping it there or even keeping it, but if you like it I might use it for a different song.

Edit: I've posted what I've got going with the lead in that last part if you are interested. still working of course. and drums in the interlude have been added also.
Attachments:
0-5-0.zip
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Jun 16, 2008,
#2
Omg that was awesome. Was very surprised Your bass is amazing along with the use of rhythm that blended very well with your lead guitar. Everything is solid ... 10/10 for wat you've got now... its powerful with the drums because of the speed hehe. The guitar your talking about i would keep it for another song cause who knows... Umm for were to go next i posted a little idea :P.

crit my acoustic song please

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=858415
Attachments:
idea1.zip
Click My Library to see what I've written

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#3
Quote by Jonathan Trejo
Omg that was awesome. Was very surprised Your bass is amazing along with the use of rhythm that blended very well with your lead guitar. Everything is solid ... 10/10 for wat you've got now... its powerful with the drums because of the speed hehe. The guitar your talking about i would keep it for another song cause who knows... Umm for were to go next i posted a little idea :P.

crit my acoustic song please

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=858415


not confident in my work I see? hmmmm?? I'm kidding. but thank you. I shall crit your piece now.

Oh! and I didn't notice the work you did on my song. do you have any restraint on that little guitar line? I really liked it and I'm thinking of tweaking and building onto it. so if you have any objection, please tell me. thank you!
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Jun 15, 2008,
#4
Nah go ahead do whatever u want with it. Its just an idea... Glad u alrdy want to build and mess with it. Great enthusiasm hehe.
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#5
I liked that, the intro was cool, although I think you could've skipped the octaves on the bass.
The change to the piano was VERY well done, it's fitted perfectly. I also liked when the rest of the instruments joined.

The drums were well made.

I feel this could be much longer, I was a bit disappointed when the end guitar entered and then silenced.

EDIT: Ah, it's unfinished...
It'll probably be great

As for the crit, could you take a look at "Walk in the Clouds"?
You like it
#6
I didn't really care for the intro. While the guitar lick was kinda cool, the whole thing just seemed to feel hokey.

The piano part is great, although you really REALLY need to fade the volume of that guitar holding the chord, it's so loud and it lasts forever.

But yeah, from the piano and onwards I think you're really onto something. The rhythm is catchy, the lead guitar is nice, that last rhythm part is especially catchy.

Not sure how I feel about the drums in the second part. They definitely work, but I'm not sure I like them much.

Either way, some really good ideas there.
#7
The first 20 bars seem to not fit right with eachother. Good individual parts, but I think the drums are making everything just not fit. The next part where the guitar were pretty much playing seperate halves of bar chords is really cool. Slipknots done this, and put different effects on the guitars. Comes out really cool. The piano sections amazing. The next section has the instruments all blending together really well, and it's nice to see that I'm not the only person left in the world that wants there bassist to have fun, lol. And I think the last guitar part is a good route to take. Maybe, play the guitar alone the first time through the riff, have bass and drums come in short burst the second time through, and then on a third time establish something for all of the instruments. Hopefully that makes as much sense to you as it did to me.
#8
yeah, since I wrote it I've been trying to figure out how I can fix the drum beat I put in but I don't know how without sacraficing the "feel" that I've got going

and since you guys seem to like it, I guess I will use that last part for this specific song

I just noticed after icronic pointed out the guitar ringing out during the piano part that midi will hold the note out for its entire value. with RSE, it fades out by itself smoothly and sounds clean.

and yeah, I put in a lot of octaves and extra stuff on my bass parts because of the "that bass player sucks, all he does is root notes" crap. I try to make my basslines as cool as possible without overpowering the piece or taking over (unless the song is built off of a bassline of course )

Edit: new file on the first page. just a couple measures of lead for the last part.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Jun 16, 2008,
#9
The intro was catchy, real cool. I don't like how at bar 24 and 28 it returned to the intro lick, but I guess it serves as a great transition to the piano part... It just seems.... awkward.

The piano part was cool, though I think it could do better with subtle drums backing it. Why, with the bass kicking in like that, it really need drums backing it, I think, and I think 37 onwards would do great with that subtle drums . I like those snare triplets, though!

The next part..... Idk, it felt pretty much unsynchronized... The idea was good, to let the guitar plays by itself and whatnot, just that the song felt disconnected after that... Perhaps a better transition? Maybe put cymbal strikes in the drums and ringing note in the guitar and bass? Also, it felt a bit strange, tbh, since the song's tension was lowered in the previous part, and as it starts to build up, you dropped it again.

Anyway, solid song, 'cept for those things I've mentioned . C4C mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=885471
#10
this is why I love UG. I totally put off doing drums in the piano part and skipped to the next section. I didn't even notice til you said that that I had never gone back to finish it...

and the part about the single guitar is explained in the first post
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Jun 16, 2008,
#11
and the part about the single guitar is explained in the first post

Yes, but this states
and since you guys seem to like it, I guess I will use that last part for this specific song

#12
not "as the last part", it says "I will use that last part"

but I'm gonna upload another file with interlude drums. they are pretty rushed though. I just wanted to give you guys at least a taste of what I'll be doing there.

Edit: nevermind, I see what you're saying. I will clean that transition up. as of now, I have not worked at all on a transition. it was just originally there at the end because I got the idea while working on 0-5-0 and didn't want to open GP again.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#15
that'd be awesome.

but I must warn you, if I were to release this on an album, the most I would do is write "Jon" in the I would like to thank section for fear that my pitmonkey status should be revealed to the public but I will credit you.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#17
really scary actually.......

is trejo your last name?

I never really noticed that til now. It just seemed like sort of a pen name...hmmm. *shrug*
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#20
I don't leave the relative comfort of the bass forum very often, and I came into this thread on a lark, but I gotta say, you've got some very nice, solid bass work going on in this song. I've been sitting here trying to play it for a few minutes now and it's a throughly enjoyable thing to play. I can't wait to hear the finished version of it.
Whit abound in this signature
#21
Pretty nice, I loved the paino melody. The intro was pretty good, but I didn't really like the riff that started on bars 22, it seemed a bit basic somehow, I mean it's ok but nothing special. The bass is great too. Solid song, now finish it!
#22
I like it! Even though it sounds more suited to mainstream palettes (I can sorta picture Gerard Way singing over this), it has a damn good melody. As with the poster above me said, the piano melody is great. The drums come in a little awkwardly, but they settle within a few bars.

9.2/10
#23
Wow man...great job!!!! I'll give 9/10...You know, some parts of guitar1 somehow reminds me of The Fall Of Troy especially the first bars...
#24
I've never listened to the Fall Of Troy, but is the first riff almost like one of theirs? I've always dreaded that this would happen. I love that riff.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#25
To be honest I didn't feel much excitement during the intro, and I didn't quite like the drums in that intro. However, once the piano kicked in, the song got interesting. The piano melody sounded really good, and the guitars after that gave much more boost and it was awesome. I'm looking forward to hearing the finished song.
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#26
Hola; finally getting round to paying off my C4C debts.

Pretty damn good, have to say; this is the kind of thing that would go down really well at my local metal-and-booze place .

I don't quite gel with the triplets-against-duplets thing in b. 5-20, but I'm not sure what else to do with it, since it's still a nice idea.
That piano break at bar 29 is perfect; exactly what the song needed. Perhaps it's carried on for a bit too long once the band returns, though? As in, I'd have cut b. 45-52, unless it's needed for lyrics.
That last bit, with the two guitars unaccompanied, is my second favourite part; I'm hoping you won't put too much texture underneath it, since it sounds lovely as it is.

I give it a slick 8/10