#1
Please.

Please write, please write back home
Please right, please right these wrongs
I'm trying the best I can
Please try to understand

Is this what you expected?
Is this what you were waiting for?
I hope this song ignites a flame
And someday things will be the same again

You walked away from my front door
While I laid passed out on the floor
I can't remember what went wrong
So now I wonder why you're gone

Please go tell all your friends
I want you back again
If you could only see
My heart out on my sleeve

Is this what you expected?
Is this what you were waiting for?
I hope this song ignites a flame
And someday things will be the same again

You walked away from my front door
While I laid passed out on the floor
I can't remember what went wrong
So now I wonder why you're gone

Please come back home...
#2
i like it sounds great. you just putting 3 chords on it or full on rock song
#3
i think it sounds good....but no song needs two chorus's

the repeat of the first verse makes the only part that is not repeated the second verse.....but altogether i enjoyed it
#5
Quote by private
Please.

Please write, please write back home
Please right, please right these wrongs
I'm trying the best I can
Please try to understand
I'm not sure how I feel about this opening. The repitition makes it feel more like a chorus. At this point in the song, I have no idea what wrongs are to be righted, and what you're trying to understand.
Is this what you expected?
Is this what you were waiting for?
I hope this song ignites a flame
And someday things will be the same again
Good prechorus. Rhythm to it sets up nicely.
You walked away from my front door
While I laid passed out on the floor
I can't remember what went wrong
So now I wonder why you're gone
Now the first verse makes sense. Still a little vague and not very descriptive or colorful.
Please go tell all your friends
I want you back again
If you could only see
My heart out on my sleeve
The first line... why tell the friends? and tell them what? I like the last two lines, a little more powerful than the rest.
Is this what you expected?
Is this what you were waiting for?
I hope this song ignites a flame
And someday things will be the same again

You walked away from my front door
While I laid passed out on the floor
I can't remember what went wrong
So now I wonder why you're gone

Please come back home...

Overall, I think this has a good effect, but the music will make or break it. Each individual stanza isn't anything special, but they come together nicely. Try being a little more descriptive and use more figurative language in places.


If you would crit mine, the link is in the sig.