#1
C4C as always

When all the light in the world
fades to gray
the cold and dark of the night conceals the day
when you feel like no one's there
to hold your hand
everyone you've counted on
just ropes of sand

(chorus)
When you've got nowhere to go
and nowhere to turn
Nothing you can do
but just live and learn
That's when your dreams hit the wall
And that's when you'll see how much I love you
After all

When cold tears fall on
empty, outstretched hands
The music plays in your head
but's too quiet to dance
When you let out a desperate call
for no one to hear
your every hope replaced by
your every fear

(chorus)
When you've got nowhere to go
and nowhere to turn
Nothing you can do
but just live and learn
That's when your dreams hit the wall
And that's when you'll see how much I love you
After all


I have chords written out for it, I can post them if you would like.
#3
C4C as always

When all the light in the world
fades to gray
the cold and dark of the night conceals the day
when you feel like no one's there
to hold your hand
everyone you've counted on
just ropes of sand
the first few lines are a little too cliche for me but i like the last line of this


(chorus)
When you've got nowhere to go
and nowhere to turn
Nothing you can do
but just live and learn
That's when your dreams hit the wall
And that's when you'll see how much I love you
After all
this is alright. again i just think it's a bit to cliche

When cold tears fall on
empty, outstretched hands
The music plays in your head
but's too quiet to dance
When you let out a desperate call
for no one to hear
your every hope replaced by
your every fear
easily the strongest part of this piece i love the third and fourth line.

(chorus)
When you've got nowhere to go
and nowhere to turn
Nothing you can do
but just live and learn
That's when your dreams hit the wall
And that's when you'll see how much I love you
After all
see above

thanks for the crit. i'll keep an eye out for your stuff.
#4
Thanks. This might sound like trying to cover my tracks, but i was almost looking for cliche in the chorus. If it matters to anyone, my chord progression for the verse is G, D/F#, Em, C, and the chorus is G, Em, G, D/F#. It's in 3/4 time.
#5
none of this knocked me out, none of it was horrible.
i toss a few thoughts about the first verse out there.
maybe they'll be useful.


When all the light in the world
you could drop all and change in to of.
see if you enjoy the feel of that.

fades to gray
the cold and dark of the night conceals the day
the last three of that line should be split off into a separate line.
it will look more balanced on the page.
try dropping and and the and see how that lays.
you could even drop of, as well.

when you feel like no one's there
to hold your hand
everyone you've counted on
just ropes of sand
the end of this felt like a mixture of thoughts, undeveloped.
by trying to do too much, you accomplished less.
Meadows
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#7
Quote by corrylb19
C4C as always

When all the light in the world
fades to gray
the cold and dark of the night conceals the day
when you feel like no one's there
to hold your hand
everyone you've counted on
just ropes of sand
at first i didn't like the ropes of sand line, but after thinking about it i got what you meant, good start so far.

(chorus)
When you've got nowhere to go
and nowhere to turn
Nothing you can do
but just live and learn
That's when your dreams hit the wall
And that's when you'll see how much I love you
After all
Like you said cliche, but it works, nothing fantastic but it's solid nonetheless

When cold tears fall on
empty, outstretched hands
The music plays in your head
but's too quiet to dance
When you let out a desperate call
for no one to hear
your every hope replaced by
your every fear
again, nothing spectactular that i haven't heard before but solid stuff.

(chorus)
When you've got nowhere to go
and nowhere to turn
Nothing you can do
but just live and learn
That's when your dreams hit the wall
And that's when you'll see how much I love you
After all
same as before

I have chords written out for it, I can post them if you would like.


Overall it was a very solid piece and I give you many props for that as I've only posted a few pieces myself that are this solid. Thanks for the crit on mine btw.