#1
As the title suggests this is my first full proper song. It doesnt have lyrics or anything becuase i can't write to save my life. :P However there is space for lyrics if some lyrics came along

Back the the point, it has a usual, intro, verse, chorus, verse, chorus, break, solo, outro format so it is relatively simple. The solo is writen in the D harmonic minor scale with a little chromatic thrown in (couldn't resist)

But it is my first song so ofcourse there is much room for improvement, and thats why im am here For your help! So it would be really appreciated if you could take a listen and throw me some constructive critsism, or just plain mean critisism, XD depending on what you think.

Oh and i know bar 8 totaly sucks, im gonna definately change that.

As for the files:

GUITAR PRO 4: My_Song.gp4 (66 KB)

MIDI:My_Song.mid (42 KB)

So, please post your thoughts Thanks

NEW VERSION: MySong.zip (9 KB) [GP4, GP5, MIDI}
Last edited by Cud at Jun 17, 2008,
#2
The way the solo ended with that chromatic run sounded kinda weird, but it was overall a cool song. Could've had more drum fills, too.
Awakening The Revenant
Deathcore side project: Malevolent


Quote by shavorules42
start with more poppy music with occasional screams and then work your way into emoish crap like a day to remember and so on.
#3
I didn't like the solo all that much. The drums could maybe stand out a little more. I think one of the guitar sounds should be changed, but I'm not sure to what.
Last edited by Quik Axe Player at Jun 15, 2008,
#4
First impression i had was: "Wooah, too slow, bro"

Tried it at tempo 160bpm, sounded very cool.

The main riff is kinda repetative. Try to make it more interesting with expanding it.


Bars 16 and 24: Really doesn't sound good in my opinion. Maybe only single bend of 5th or P.M. would do good.

The chords in the chorus. I get your idea, but with a bit less distortion and agresiveness they would sound better.

The Bass didn't sound like you wanted it, but with a little tweaking it will be ok.

The solo part. Those chords make too much noise for a rhythm.

At 190bpm it sounded cool. It still sounds good in lower bpm. But not less than 160.
Try to make it more interesting with some legatos and bends, change of speed. 85 to 89 - only 1/8s.

I love the chromatic downscending! Was totaly awesome! Most favourite part in the song!

I'm a big fan of melodic chromatism, but the last chromatic stuff didnt sound good.

For a first song, really not a bad attempt! Even kinda good!

The solo had some really cool ideas.

Hope you have improvement with your next song Good luck!

6,4/10
#5
Bad idea putting RSE on it XD I was just messing about and saved it with it turned on... Anyway, yeah, after listening to it again it was too slow so ive upped the tempo to 140, 160 seemed a bit too fast for me :/

Im not a drummer or a bassist so they would sound a bit crap, however i think it does the job seem as its just for fun and not actually going to be played. (im bandless )

Woo! Chromatics, glad you liked them strat

As for the rest of the solo, I will add bends, legato etc. Because it does sound a bit plain...

The repetitiveness would probably go away with the addition of singing over the top but i do see what you mean.

And the outro chromatics.. yeah... i was rushing and shoved them in there Ill take a look at those later.

I'll see what i can come up with for bars 16 and 24, i was trying to make it a bit different but it doesnt sound right...

And thanks everyone, ill post another version later with the ammendments
Last edited by Cud at Jun 16, 2008,
#6
Ok, new version MySong.zip (9 KB)

Took some things into account:

Changed bar 8 to a muted D powechord

Bars 16 and 24 are now palm muted 7th and 6th fets.

Messed around with the solo, added more bends slides etc.

Changed the speed of some of the chromatic downcending.

Take a look and crit Crit for crit eh?


I havent changed the chromatic outro yet but i'll work on that.
#7
I think you should change the chromatic outro to a sweeping section or something..
Awakening The Revenant
Deathcore side project: Malevolent


Quote by shavorules42
start with more poppy music with occasional screams and then work your way into emoish crap like a day to remember and so on.
#8
I wish i could, however im not overly good a sweep picking
#9
Ok, This needs some serious work on the drums and bass. But unlike the others, I kinda liked the solo. It was something... Different you know?

Good: Main Riff, I didn´t like it at first, but it turned out better, Solo was good, imo,

Bad: Verse Riff, just a repetition, didn´t like the chorus that much, maybe work a bit on the rhythm.

Overall 6-7/10

But not bad for a first song
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com