#1
Not finished yet, no music either. But just looking for feedback on whether I should pursue this, if it's any good or not.

Holden Caulfield

Hey Man,
I'm sure I'm your friend
Just look at all the people we both know

Hey boy,
What you doing here?
You don't want to be here, why don't you go?

Nowhere is home!
Going alone
Every where's to roam
When life's on the loam

Hey man,
Where are ya headin?
I'd probly go with ya, but I'm stayin low

Hey girl,
I got a lot to say
But I get nothing and have all to show

Nowhere is home!
Going alone
Every where's to roam
When life's on the loam

And nobody's to blame
When everyone's the same
Nothing to my name
But me
Quote by Shredder XXX
how about the way your entire country generalizes a culture by the actions of a few, citing any Americans idea of a middle eastern person.
#2
No. IMO. But here on U-G people seem to like lyrics like this.
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#3
I was thinking about doing something like this but never followed through with it, so I'm glad someone did. The song alludes some aspects of Holden's life, but for the most part it's pretty vague. The rhyming seems very forced throughout the piece, I'd like to see it with a more natural flow. And as a last complaint, you didn't include the word "certainly", which is just not ok when writing a song about Holden imo.

Like I said though, I'm glad someone did it.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#4
What really bothered me here was your title. What did it add to the piece? Nothing. I felt you just named it Holden Caulfield for the sake of being artsy. It just didn't work for me; your title grabbed my attention but the content and execution of your piece really let me down.
#5
Quote by phantom1
What really bothered me here was your title. What did it add to the piece? Nothing. I felt you just named it Holden Caulfield for the sake of being artsy. It just didn't work for me; your title grabbed my attention but the content and execution of your piece really let me down.


The song is mostly, written from his perspective. The book really left an impact on me (A good one. Not a 'Must kill Paul McCartney' impact) and I wanted to write a song. And yeah, I wanted it to rhyme but when I read it, I definitely see how it feels forced. But I did just scribble this down last night and was wondering whether anyone would think it was any good.
Quote by Shredder XXX
how about the way your entire country generalizes a culture by the actions of a few, citing any Americans idea of a middle eastern person.