#1
Doubts was all I worshipped
'Til I saw God's mouth
Bite a crucifix

crit4crit

Now I hunger to believe
So night and day I right
God's biography

And when I right it all
She'll have her own bible
But I bet chances are
She hates romance novels

To show how much I care
I stole this crucifx
For my love to wear

But she don't need jewelery
And love has enough
Crosses to carry

I stole these gifts of gold
So you would bless my name
Another crucifix
And another chain

I'd hold heaven ransom
And threaten God himself
To give you the Kingdom

'Cause all I can afford
To crown you with my queen
Are tumbleweeds and thorns

Though I've never held much
Except your crucifix
But with these holes in hand
My love feels so rich
#2
I'll be honest, this didn't engage me to even a 10th of the level your pieces normally do. It felt a bit like you were regurgitating the low parts from your last few pieces. There wasn't much here... and what was here had already been used. I mean, its nice... its a solid piece and the writing is fine, the flow is good, etc, etc... but this will not be one I remember from you... because it simply didn't do much for me other than just make me nod my head and say, "yep, I read it."

Sorry to be so negative... its just how I feel about it. PM me, when you get a chance, I'd like to ask you a few questions.

Also, I have one up, you don't have to get to it, as I haven't offered much here... but I'd appreciate if you did. Link is in the sig.

-zC
#3
Mispellings, awkward phrasing - eh, maybe it's cos I loved your last one so much, but this feels so sub-par it's hard to believe it's the same writer.