#1
My Outcry.

Chorus.
I want to be heard
that's why I shout out loud
but you don't listen
you tell me to quiet down.

Verse 1.
How can I express myself
when treated like a child
unlock those bolted ears so you can hear.

Chorus.

Bridge.
Just listen. x8

Verse 2.
I want to say what i've got to say
then I swear i'll go away
listen to me I do say
it is the easiest way.

Chorus.
#2
Quote by sdnsausagerolls
My Outcry.

Chorus.
I want to be heard
that's why I shout out loud
but you don't listen
you tell me to quiet down.
Ok so I guess loud and down could rhyme depending on the pronunciation... I get the message clearly. Nothing too unique but it works.

Verse 1.
How can I express myself
when treated like a child
unlock those bolted ears so you can hear.
Again, the message is clear. There's some good internal rhyme in Line 3 but this verse is just begging to be made longer.

Chorus.

Bridge.
Just listen. x8
Ok... I'm listening, but I'm not hearing anything except the same message from the verse and chorus repeated in a parallel manner.

Verse 2.
I want to say what i've got to say
then I swear i'll go away
listen to me I do say
it is the easiest way.
...

Chorus.



Ok, it was very boring after the first verse. Here are some suggestions:

Try talking about how or why you are not being heard.

Try making everything longer and using words that might seem a little strange or quirky. That way, it'll be unique and still get the message out without boring your listeners.

Crit one of mine in my sig?
#3
It seems like you're saying the same thing in different words. Make it more interesting by giving more of a story to go with the feelings in the song.
#4
Quote by sdnsausagerolls
My Outcry.

Chorus.
I want to be heard
that's why I shout out loud
but you don't listen
you tell me to quiet down.
flows kina good

Verse 1.
How can I express myself
when treated like a child
unlock those bolted ears so you can hear.
this seems kinda weird and out of place cuz ive never seen a 3 kine verse but if you want it that way.....i like the last line

Chorus.

Bridge.
Just listen. x8
i dont get it is it singing just listen 8 times or what because that would sound really weird, but i might work depending on how you did it

Verse 2.
I want to say what i've got to say
then I swear i'll go away
listen to me I do say
it is the easiest way.
you might want to rethink the whole saying say twice because it seems like your trying to make the whole thing rhyme, and say dosnt rhyme with itself

Chorus.



this is pretty good. might need a little tweaking but every song does

i like the message of the song.
Despite what you've been told, I once had a soul