#1
So, this one is supposed to be a spoof to Irish Drinking Songs, commonly covered by punk or celtic punk bands. For those who don't know, Irish Drinking Songs are songs about drinking (wow... that must have come to you as a surprise eh?) and fighting. This isn't probably amazing songwriting, nor a "smart" story, or anything like that. It's pure fun and should be taken as so. The singing is supposed to be extremely fast and rasp, so the flow, even the most strange, usually is fitted, in order to, well... flow. This wasn't punctuated, but I did it to look more professional

C4C, leave link.

[Verse 1]
You woke up at the dawn just because you had a dream,
an intervention of the nameless god, in whom you don’t believe.
You saw the reflection of a shadow who was staring at you.
you turned around, there was no one there, but you thought she was there too.
You were walking in the street, but you felt like being watched.
You felt someone tapping your shoulder, when you were sitting in your porch.
For so many times you wanted to feel like you were alone.
There was a letter in your mail saying that Death’s coming back home.

[Verse 2]
You waited anxiously for that tapping in the door;
you said many times it was over, but she wanted more and more.
She dropped her suitcases, and she shouted "Baby, I am back!",
and now you’ll pass the next three months trying to avoid her attack.
She’s looking pretty acceptable, for someone who came from hell.
Besides the putrid perfume she puts on, she’s looking very well.
It is tough to have a dinner with a scythe next to your head,
until one day she said something that you certainly won’t forget.

[Chorus]
I wanna turn you on and drive through the hot flames of below
I wanna make this trip with you for the next three times in a row
I want to be stuck in your mind I wanna make your body flow
I wanna be on top of you and scream Oh! Oh! Oh!

[Verse 3]
You woke up at the dawn just to check if she was asleep;
you slid down from your bed, and you walked on top of your feet.
On the next second, she was staring at you, asking: "Where will you go?
It doesn’t matter. Just remember that, in the end, I will know."
You couldn’t get drunk at the club, or take a night to get stoned,
because you know that when you’ll get there, you’ll have Death waiting at home.
You always loved your single-living style; you never wanted a wife.
And now you have one, and for the single mistake, she’ll take your life.

[Verse 4]
She waited anxiously for an error you'd commit,
but you grabbed life with both hands, and you never let go of it.
When you got home, she put both of her hands inside your jeans,
but you resisted the temptation of the seven deadly sins.
After that, you thought you deserved a place in the right of God.
You believed you were a sceptic, but now you know that you’re not.
You never considered for a moment that you were in doubt,
but you’ll never forget the words that came out from her mouth.

[Chorus]

[Verse 5]
You woke up at the dawn to put an end to this story;
you know that Death is immortal, but you have your pride and glory.
You tried to wake up the feelings hidden in the soul of Death,
but you hadn’t quite expected that she was expecting that.
With a scythe in her hand and a smile upon her face,
She wants to ban you from this world and disappear without a trace.
You have to put your heart to this, to get out of this alive;
you’ve got to search your inner strength on the dark depths of your inside.

[Verse 6]
She waited anxiously to see blood coming from your neck,
and she waited in the dark, to invest all her attack.
But your strategy was smarter, and you knew well what to do:
You knew death would lose all her patience, and she’d be exposed to you.
You defended, you have countered, and attacked in Death’s behind;
You knew well what you were doing, and Death hadn’t a place to hide.
In the end, you earned the right to die in another day,
and you realized the price you won when she started to say:

[Chorus] (x4)
Last edited by seventh_angel at Jun 15, 2008,
#2
dude the chorus is bomb!!
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#4
Knowing english isn't your first language you execute the ideas well here. My only slight concern is its length; the lines are a tad long imo. I feel you could condense what each stanza says to some degree, not only making for a more concise image but you'll be able to retain the readers interest better, not that I had that big of a problem with it in the first place, I felt like I wanted to read on, such the way you built the story as you went along.

I'll drop back and help with the word choice and grammar soon.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#6
Great song... Really catchy... Sounded a lot like Flogging Molly... Good work... Don't know how you get these kind of ideas but you really sound great... And i think it would be an awsome song in the genre xD Good work^^