#1
reposted from awhile back.

song redone.

crit for crit

no GP4 actually unless requested. I didn't put it in this time.
Attachments:
14-12-11-12[1].zip
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Last edited by Its_Rock77 at Nov 27, 2009,
#2
Nice, intro was really soothing. It would work great as a ballad .

Well, verse 1 was good, but tbh it was a bit chaotic. You have so many voices there, and with the clean guitar soloing I don't know where to focus. So that part should be cleaned up.

The drums kinda bothered me, it didn't felt appropriate on many occasions. It was too wild and everything, just didn't seemed to fit with the rest of the instruments.

For next part, dunno, why not just continue with what you have? Building up the tempo and overall tension of the song. You could do a variation of the intro, like make it more rock etc, because tbh, you have a great intro there, so why not make it into a riff?

#3
Wow man, I loved the intro.

To add on to it, I think it would sound pretty cool to take the guitar 4's riff that starts at the verse, and maybe make it an octave lower and then harmonize it (Maybe a 3rd?). Near the end of what you have there, the drums sort of sounded out of place, but that is my only complaint with those. I also loved that little solo near the intro. Maybe for those chords you have at the end, you could add some E5s, and maybe one of the other overdriven guitars doing a riff behind it. I don't know.

Great job, man.



Crit mine?
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=883571
It all makes sense
We're capable of beauty
Through sounds that make on cringe
The dogs only hear us now

#4
Nice. Really nice. Love the intro, love the solo.

The only negative to this one, aside from the fact that it desperately needs to be finished is that it really sounds cluttered. But, everything goes together so well I think fixing something like that would be more a matter of toying with the volume and balance than actually removing anything.

Quote by Its_Rock77
It's still pretty short, but it's been about a month since I've been able to add anything because I can't think of where to go after it. every riff I attempt to put in just turns into another song since it won't fit :/


That is the exact same predicament I'm hitting with the song I'm working on now. Just kind of stuck where it is, can't make new ideas fit, and most of them would be better off as a new song. Frustrating.
#5
aw man tht acoustic intr thing rocked! good use of the string section in there

finish it! :P lol

10/10 soo far
#6
omg, how come everything you write is a masterpiece? xD

10/10 from me, truly beautiful
#7
ehh, while this is on the first page I might as well update. I added in a chorus after what I have already. it really doesn't fit at all, but I don't really have any idea what to do. I know what I want basically, but I can't get it to sound right. *shrug*

I'm uploading a new version now.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#8
i really liked this song man. i have to agree that sometimes it can be a bit cluttered and it does need to be finished. its got a semi epic feel which is awesome and the leads are great throughout. my favorite part was definitely the rhythm section though from about 9 on. reminded me a bit of a band like godspeed you black emperor. it was awesome. great song.
#9
A good way to make it sound less cluttered could simply be to adust the panning on some of the tracks, so for example, when the two solos are going on simultaneously, have one panned all the way right and the other all the way left. Other than that, the biggest problem I have is that it ends - write more! very tasteful solos, and the build-up to the chorus works well. On the chorus, I would say raise the piano part up an octave - it wont sound as muddy.
#10
I'm bumping this thread because I completely revamped this song. blah blah blah. whatever, sounds sweet I think.

but I want to know what YOU think.

so let me know, link me to your song, the works. you guys know the drill
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#11
Here's the request for you GP4. :P

I have GP5, so no need to remix; mine's just not updated, so it has to be in GP4 to open it.
#12
hmmmm, I'm not quite sure why you bumped this but I put in the GP4.

this song's actually the same one I just used for the last round of the tabwriting contest.

but yeah, I think I added a whole new section to this since I last updated this thread. whoop de doo.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#13
I'm not a fan of the tapping in bars 29 and 30; just doesn't work, in my opinion.

I really like the end, except that last harmonic on guitar 4 kind of ruined it for me. It could work if you had it play that harmonic as a fade-in, but I think it sounds better without it.

Other than that, I really liked this, and don't much else to say.
#14
thanks man. did you have something you'd like me to crit?
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#15
I was going to ask for it, but seeing as I really didn't give any advice, I don't really feel like I should.