#1
I dug this up today. I'm looking to expand it but I don't quite know what I think of it in the first place. I feel like I need to make it stronger overall and give it a more regular rhythm/rhyme scheme. Suggestions and critiques are very welcome.


Take another hit, love.
Feel it rush up your arms, feel it tighten your chest.
Let that opiate warmth push you over the edge.
I’ll be waiting for you at the bottom.

The ultimate falsity, absolute truth,
I draw no distinction between the two.
But does it truly matter what we place our faith in,
Or is it just blade with which to slit each other’s throats?

Carving hearts from heathens’ chests is missing the point entirely.
Be it Allah or alcohol, it’s all the same to me.
Something to believe in.
Something for the pain.
Last edited by HoldFastHope at Jun 17, 2008,
#2
I touched it up a bit, changing "sense of security" to "opiate warmth" in the first stanza, and removed the second stanza about the opiate of the masses, my reasoning being that it's a cliched phrase and I don't want to repeat "opiate" too much.

More input is welcome.
#3

Take another hit, love.
Feel it rush up your arms, feel it tighten your chest.
Let that opiate warmth push you over the edge.
I’ll be waiting for you at the bottom.
This stanza is pretty good, absolutely nothing wrong with it.


The ultimate falsity, absolute truth,
I draw no distinction between the two.
But does it truly matter what we place our faith in,
Or is it just blade with which to slit each other’s throats?
The first two lines are brilliant. The third is a so/so.
I don't like this line, for some reason it doesn't flow with the rest of the material



Carving hearts from heathens’ chests is missing the point entirely.
Be it Allah or alcohol, it’s all the same to me.
Something to believe in.
Something for the pain.
Last stanza ends perfectly.The last line is perfect, cliche'd in my opinion, but it fits.


C4C https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=887821


►-Adam-◄
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#4
hi HoldFastHope,

your second post is a bump.
please read the rules in the announcement at the top of this forum.


*reported*
Meadows
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I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.