#1
Old Habits...Die Hard: Starrrrrrring Bruce Willis

the taste from the coast turns ugly
box art into such
attractive cereal,
What a daring brunette,
a lot of shimmers in that
sliver of silver sheen. We cop feels
in between yard work,
I was mowing, she was
there...Blowing
bubbles on the porch,
never a second where
my mind drifts from something innocent.
Has I been to the cotton fields,
where my mast is half past her.
I've never missed love like this,
like a slave misses his master.


Do you believe in foot fungus?
What do you mean, it exists. There's nothing to believe in.
You don't get it.
What about violins.
You can't believe in something that is a concrete item.
Yes you can.
No, I can't believe in a rock, it's not logical.
I believe in you!
Shut the fuck up.

I want to think it's an airborne sickness, like a cold,
or the pink eye,
it's not though, it's more like...shoes.
Yeah, shoes because say for instance
there is a road, where everyone has
thrown away their old shoes, and sometimes
when I drive down that road
and
I see my worn leather,
I want to try them on, for old time's sake.
Because they're comfortable.
Because they fit. I never see
the mold growing inside though,
and I never catch it
before it spreads,
contagious.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Jun 17, 2008,
#5
I really liked it. There was some really strong rhythm at points. Wish I could be more help.
#6
Cool read, Matt. Some of the wordplay was just great.

The only thing that came to mind was having the "Shut the **** up" line by itself, after S2, for the added emphasis.

That was all. Good read.
#7
I always read you and hardly ever give you any comments, because you make me so jealous. I wish I had such good flow and rhythm. It's really dead on.


I enjoyed this quite a bit Matt.
#8
I don't know what to say except perfect. Sorry not much help

►-Adam-◄
Quote by dark&broken
I'd like to see any of those meathead homophobes look a Spartan in the eye and call him a fag.

#9
have you found anything else to waste your time with???? all u need to say is bruce willis is a huge douchebag
#10
^reported.

i'll be editing in a crit soon. stupid shit like this, though, i just can't let slide.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
Last edited by ottoavist at Jun 18, 2008,
#11
^too late, I already got him.

Matt, I don't see how you have any wordplay left, but you always manage to find some more or make your own up. good stuff. made me smile. and I'm able to enjoy it a lot more because I know, in general, you are aware of everything you're doing in the piece.

#12
Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the love I've gotten in the last two pieces.

If anyone wants a return, just post a link.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#14
Quote by Something_Vague
Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the love I've gotten in the last two pieces.

If anyone wants a return, just post a link.


I'm puttin up someting in a couple of days, mind if I pm you with a link ?
#15
Easily the best thing I've read from you. Your stuff normally is like sex to read, but still comes off a bit detached. This however was class, only thing I didn't like was this part:

Has I been to the cotton fields,
where my mast is half past her.
I've never missed love like this,
like a slave misses his master.

I didn't like the tone shift. I'm sure I just missed something, but to me, the shift somewhat unannounced which made it sort of jolting to me. Wasn't enough to ruin the read, just to make me remember it at the end. Yeah.

I'm quite sure you owe me from a few times back, and I could really use some help with making this newest one have some sort of flow to it... so if you could get to it, I'd really appreciate your expertise. It's in the sig.
#16
I'd just like to say

Do you believe in foot fungus?
What do you mean, it exists. There's nothing to believe in.
You don't get it.
What about violins.
You can't believe in something that is a concrete item.
Yes you can.
No, I can't believe in a rock, it's not logical.
I believe in you!
Shut the **** up.


is amazing.
Youtube covers

[url="http://www.youtube.com/user/MrJumboHumbo[/URL"]