#1
rewrote quiet a few parts and here it is..

I can no longer bare my reflection,
With no way to get you out of my mind
As I’ve told myself for the hundredth time
There’s nothing I can do for my latest obsession.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me
Now I silently watch you walk right out.
I can’t let it end like this.
This is my last grasp at my latest obsession.

I can’t get my mind off you
No matter what I do
You’re always right there
Telling me to care
Telling me to strive
Telling me I need to learn to survive
Now I’m giving all I got
Just to get back my latest obsession

I can no longer bare this reflection.
With no way to get you out of my mind
As I’ve told myself for the hundredth time
There’s nothing I can do for my latest obsession.

There’s been a thousand girls before.
Now as you’re standing in that door
I realize this is the one I want.
I see a tear fall to the floor
As I realize you won’t ever want me back.
But I’m begging you, as my latest obsession.


I can probably do a C4C if you give me a real crit.
#2
its a good peice. im not going to crit cuz i cant find enough bad parts

did a great rewrite
Despite what you've been told, I once had a soul
#3
im not too sure on the "telling me" bit but apart from thats thumbs up
#4
Quote by wfbrady09
rewrote quiet a few parts and here it is..

I can no longer bare my reflection,
With no way to get you out of my mind
As I’ve told myself for the hundredth time
There’s nothing I can do for my latest obsession.
Seems like a pretty solid first verse. Nothing realy bad with it.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me
Now I silently watch you walk right out.
I can’t let it end like this.
This is my last grasp at my latest obsession.
Don't really get how this verse flows, seems a bit eratic. But I guess with the right melody it would work.

I can’t get my mind off you
No matter what I do
You’re always right there
Telling me to care
Telling me to strive
Telling me I need to learn to survive This part I don't get, it seems a little out of place with the rest of the piece.
Now I’m giving all I got
Just to get back my latest obsession
The rest of it seems fine

I can no longer bare this reflection.
With no way to get you out of my mind
As I’ve told myself for the hundredth time
There’s nothing I can do for my latest obsession.

There’s been a thousand girls before.
Now as you’re standing in that door
I realize this is the one I want.
I see a tear fall to the floor
As I realize you won’t ever want me back.
But I’m begging you, as my latest obsession.
I really like this verse, really ends on a high. Nothing wrong that I can see with this one.

Overall pretty good, infact it's probably all good with the melody. Just a few places where I don't see how they fit in.

I can probably do a C4C if you give me a real crit.



It'd be great if you critted mine too: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=947164
#5
Quote by wfbrady09
rewrote quiet a few parts and here it is..

I can no longer bare my reflection,
With no way to get you out of my mind
As I’ve told myself for the hundredth time
There’s nothing I can do for my latest obsession.I'm already loving it so far, I just like the way how that entire part flowed together. I've never been a fan of lyrics that make the songs meaning obvious, but there are certain cases like this where it works for me really well :]

You were the best thing that ever happened to me
Now I silently watch you walk right out.
I can’t let it end like this.
This is my last grasp at my latest obsession.Typical stuff really, I like the use of the word latest obsession, it just sounds...I dunno, really good.

I can’t get my mind off you
No matter what I do
You’re always right there
Telling me to care
Telling me to strive
Telling me I need to learn to survive
Now I’m giving all I got
Just to get back my latest obsessionNo comment, it's good, haha, everything is flowing well right now. So me not having anything to say is simply because anything I say here was said when I talked about the first verse.

I can no longer bare this reflection.
With no way to get you out of my mind
As I’ve told myself for the hundredth time
There’s nothing I can do for my latest obsession.

There’s been a thousand girls before.
Now as you’re standing in that door
I realize this is the one I want.
I see a tear fall to the floor
As I realize you won’t ever want me back.
But I’m begging you, as my latest obsession.I guess this comment is for the last two paragraphs. I like it dude, the lyrics are very easily understandable, something I usually don't like. But you had this flow together very clearly.


I can probably do a C4C if you give me a real crit.



In response to my Solar Ice song, heres my critique :]
So yeah dude, I like what you have. If it were a song I can imagine it being a soft and mellow song, you would just have to break it down into verses and choruses and what not. You got your message out throughly and there wasn't any really loss of direction, you got on a path and stayed on it, which is something that honestly even I struggle with.

Keep up the good work xD