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#1
Ok, so did my thread title get your attention? Great. I hae a couple questions for UG. But be warned in advance.... lotsa text ahead.

Why do so many people feel the need to get married and have kids at such a young age?? I'm 23 years old. I'm trying to figure out why so many of the people I grew up with (who are around age 19 to 24 now) feel the need to have so many kids. It seems like everytime I log onto myspace, another one of my friends is having her second or third kid... and all of her friends are congratulating her.

...Let me repeat myself in case you didn't understand the first time.

19 to 24 year-olds who spend their days on myspace gossiping, filling out survey bulletins, and pimping out their pages with waaay totally cool falling hearts, feel like they're mature and responsible enough to properly raise multiple children.

And marriage. Why on earth would anyone feel the need to get married (or engaged) at age 18 or 19, after having casually dated a guy for less than a year?! How much can one even know about that person after such a short time? And furthermore, why do people need to make their "love" official? Can't you love someone just as well without all that extra nonsense? And it's not like marriages actually mean anything these days, anyway. It's basically just become another way of saying, "We're dating exclusively... for now."

Ugh. Ok, rant over. It just saddens me to see so many of the people who I grew up with, who were so creative and talented and intelligent and ambitious hit 20 years old and basically say, "Well, my younger days are behind me. Time to give up my youth and start making babies!"

I just...... I really do not get it. Somebody please explain this to me. Pleeease.
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#4
They aren't hurting anyone. If they treat that child well, then I don't see what harm is caused by people choosing to live like that.
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#5
I totally agree with you, I see myself getting kids at the age of 30 or something like that.
#7
I have no idea.

On one hand, I don't want to wait until I'll be old when my kid grows up, because my parents did that and they suck, but on the other hand I'm afraid of kids, not to mention that I don't know if I would like kids once I got them.

Also, I'm afraid that my baby mama would love me less once we got kids, and stuff like that. And there's the fact that I have to find someone who wants kids...

Kids are complicated issues.
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#9
idk insecurity could be a possibility.
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#10
Because they're probably not done being teenagers yet so they still have the urge to do EVERYTHING in a hurry. But as rabidguitarist said, they're not hurting anyone so let them be.

I don't like kids.
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Last edited by kikaykitko at Jun 18, 2008,
#11
Quote by kikaykitko
Because they're probably not done being teenagers yet so they still have the urge to do EVERYTHING in a hurry. But as RabidGuitarist said, they're not hurting anyone so let them be.

I don't like kids.


Please don't capitalise me. I don't deserve capitals.
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Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
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#12
Quote by rabidguitarist
They aren't hurting anyone. If they treat that child well, then I don't see what harm is caused by people choosing to live like that.

That's the thing, though. They aren't raising that child well. They might have low income, or they might end up hating their spouse, divorcing, being extremely immature about it, and raising the kid without a mother or a father.
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#13
Quote by rabidguitarist
Please don't capitalise me. I don't deserve capitals.

Oh sorry, I'll fix that.
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#14
Quote by BigFatSandwich
That's the thing, though. They aren't raising that child well. They might have low income, or they might end up hating their spouse, divorcing, being extremely immature about it, and raising the kid without a mother or a father.


If a couple are going to divorce or be immature about parenting, it's going to be the same at any time in their lives.
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#15
Some of my friends have kids, and there between 18 and 20.
They treat their kids right.


Another one of my mates is 18, has 1 kid and another on the way, married, and is in the army, currently serving i think.
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#16
Its a weird ballence, you wanna have your youngins before age 30+ cause you'll be 40 when they're 10 and so on, but...you need to be finacially secure enough to care for said youngin.

or you just get drunk with your on again off again g/f and dont wear a rubber. the truth is somewhere in between.
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#17
I feel like I'm the only one who actually likes the idea of marriage

That said, it probably won't happen until my late 20s/early 30s
#18
Quote by rabidguitarist
If a couple are going to divorce or be immature about parenting, it's going to be the same at any time in their lives.

Exactly. Age doesn't have anything to do with it. If you never learned how to make good decisions, it's likely you never will.
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#19
I don't get it either, but I'm about your age and only one of the friends I went to high school with has had a kid and no one (as far as I know) is married.
However, saying that, I get even more confused when people 50 years old want to have kids. Ideally if you're going to have kids make it late 20s early 30s and then you'll actually get to see them grow up and be able enough to help out if things go wrong. If you're 50 and have a kid they're going to have to start looking after you when they're 20/25 and that's completely unfair in my opinion.

Personally I'd be happy if the world adopted what the Chinese did the in 80s (it was around the 80s I think...) of the one child policy, but then the problem they've found is that they now have an ageing population and need to have more children to help look after the old people.

Ok, anyway that was a rather pointless sentence, but yes, I'm with you on this, I see no sense in being tied down for life from this point on. I figure that I'll want to do things in the next five years where I won't want to consider someone else first. Who knows who I'll meet next week!
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#20
Quote by Fafara
I totally agree with you, I see myself getting kids at the age of 30 or something like that.


So are you planning on buying them at the Supermarket or?
#21
Because some people wanna live like that, rant to them.

If that was an insufficient answer, I refer to my old standby:


*facepalm.jpg*
#23
Quote by Grundy0
So are you planning on buying them at the Supermarket or?



I hear CostCo delivers though..
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#25
about 30 should be rightish but yeh, its a word called CHAVS who have em at 12 years old...
#26
Quote by rabidguitarist
If a couple are going to divorce or be immature about parenting, it's going to be the same at any time in their lives.

You're right about that. Sort of. But you're kind of getting away from what my rant is about.

Also, for the record, I'm not saying it's impossible to raise a child at a young age, or that it should never be done... but it seems to me that a lot of people (that I know) are jumping into things before they're ready.
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#27
Quote by Gargantuan
What else are they supposed to eat?

poor form.

but i like your avitar. Mustane looks like my aunt Tammy
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Quote by deanexplosion99
idk what the keys are for but the reason i think its for the floyd rose is because its called floyd rose double locking

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#28
People are stupid. Marraige gives their live a sense of purpose, which I guess they feel like they need.
#29
I agree with the people having kids and getting married young is strange thing.

But, and this may have already been said, a lot of people get married not so signify the permanence or commitment or whatever but because of monetary reasons. The state recognises married couples differently in terms of tax and whatever. I'm really not sure about details.
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#30
Quote by BigFatSandwich
That's the thing, though. They aren't raising that child well. They might have low income, or they might end up hating their spouse, divorcing, being extremely immature about it, and raising the kid without a mother or a father.

So what? Contrary to popular belief a child does not need a mother and a father throughout it's entire childhood to become a fully-functioning member of society.

As for the topic, my mother got married at 19, had her first child (me) at 21. She's separated from my father now, and is almost 40. She has two healthy children who love her, she has friends, she has a stable career and a great social life. What's so bad about that? Nothing. People can be ready for such commitments at a young age, just because you're not doesn't mean nobody else can be. For some people, having a family means the world, and they'll do their best to have one as soon as they can. Plus you have to remember us women have a time limit on these things - a lot of women want the security of a husband and child before it's too late.
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#31
In complete agreement with everything you said.

I just don't really care. If they feel that's what they need to do in their lives, then so be it.
#32
Quote by JamesDouglas
But, and this may have already been said, a lot of people get married not so signify the permanence or commitment or whatever but because of monetary reasons. The state recognises married couples differently in terms of tax and whatever. I'm really not sure about details.

I know that. But moving in together and sharing living expenses would help ease financial burdens, too. Why not try that first before marriage?
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#33
Quote by rabidguitarist
Please don't capitalise me. I don't deserve capitals.


hahahahahaaaahaaahahaahaha , ive never heard such a whimpy statement said on UG.

oh my lord im cracking up,
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#34
Well I don't know. theres a lot of people who like kids... and sex I guess.
But the marriage thing. Thats why 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, they feel that now that they're legally adults-- its time to do what they do, what signifies that they're adults when in the long run-- they're not mature enough to handle this sort of thing.
I'm not saying they're not with the one they truly should spend the rest of their lifes with, im just saying they should wait and see and don't rush things.
good luck!
hope this helped.
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#35
the thing is, people should have the freedom to make their own decisions about these kinds of things, but in reality a lot of people don't have the good judgement to make the right decisions for themselves. in a free society, people are free to do dumb things and make bad decisions, and that's that.


oh yeah, my gf and i don't get the young marriage thing either. a bunch of her friends have been getting married and we've been together for ages and we're still like "wtf? marriage, now? why?"
Last edited by vantage4 at Jun 18, 2008,
#36
Quote by hrdcorelaxplaya
People are stupid. Marraige gives their live a sense of purpose, which I guess they feel like they need.



Im engaged. You calling me stupid?
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#37
Quote by BigFatSandwich
I know that. But moving in together and sharing living expenses would help ease financial burdens, too. Why not try that first before marriage?


I thought you were asking why people got married at all, for monetary reasons it just seems more practical. If you're going to move in with someone and share all the expenses you might as well make it state recognised.
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
#38
Quote by GoDrex
No idea - I waited until I was 35 (though I'd been with my wife since I was 25) to get married and had my first kid at 36. And we're only having two.



My dad had me at 36, I am 19 now. He's an old ****er.
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#39
Quote by Logz
Im engaged. You calling me stupid?


Yeah, but for other reasons
Quote by Mia (Pulp Fiction)
Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullsh*t in order to be comfortable?

That's when you know you found somebody special. When you can just shut the f*ck up for a minute, and comfortably share silence.

RateYourMusic
#40
Quote by Logz
Im engaged. You calling me stupid?

No... that came out a bit wrong, I s'pose. A lot of people get engaged before they're remotely mature enough to get married... watch "Engaged and Underage" on MTV to see what I'm talking about. Not saying that's what all people who get married at a young age are like, but that's a bunch of them.

Anyway, the primary reason I don't plan on getting married any time soon is

A) I realize that I'm going to change over the next 10+ years
B) I want to contine to live without being legally and socially bound to one person for a while longer
C) Divorce is expensive as ****.
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