#1
crit for crit, leave a link if you like.

This is a tongue-in-cheek retelling of Romeo and Juliet, as if their dads were Chicago mobsters instead of wealthy Italians :p

you can hear the guitar part (sans outro), along with another song's guitar part, here:
http://artists.ultimate-guitar.com/gcaband/

and here's lyrics:

Necessary is a State of Mind (You're Awful, I Love You)

Intro
Our dad's are in some questionable trades,
and there's some bad blood between
your father and his ruthless ways,
and my dad and his ruthless schemes.
But I'll remember when we met, always...

Chorus
We were throwing bodies into the bay,
--the dancing sea, with cresting waves--
and I saw it in your eyes that day,
and written on your bloodstained face:

I would love you through all the trends,
and maybe our families would mend,
as we broke the hearts that would not bend.

Verse 1:
And for your birthday, late in June,
I got you something I hope you'll like:
a new pair of cement shoes,
I heard you lost yours in the dike.
Cool, so let's go get some food
and than maybe torch some motorbikes
Oh, you don't like truckers? Nor do I.

Chorus:
We pushed the trucks into the bay,
where it put out those dancing flames,
and I saw it in your eyes that day,
and written in your smoke-stained face:

you loved me through all the trends,
but my Montagues hated your Capulets,
as we broke the hearts that would not bend.


Verse 2:
As we sat beneath the Chicago sky,
and gazed at the cityscape;
you told me your dad thought I should die,
I told you mine thought we should take a break.
You said your dad already slipped me cyanide,
I said oh, well that's a shame.

Chorus:
You carried my body into the bay,
the dancing sea and cresting waves,
but I opened my eyes a bit too late;
you'd already shot yourself in the face.

Your dad's sense of humor is pretty odd,
since I guess the poison was a dud,
but now you're dead, and that's kind of messed up.

Outro:
My heart is broken out of love,
so I pour the bay into my lungs,
and in a while, since I choke a little,
this is done.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.
#2
I like it!
FEED ME MATHCORE

Quote by sashki

I also speak German, except no-one gives a shit.


GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE, AWAKE WHEN THE SUN HITS THE SKY
#3
I love this kind of stuff. This is the type of stuff I write for my band Alta Vera. I love the whole calming atmosphere, just that sort of carefree thing. I'd listen to this all day long, honestly. The tone's pretty good, the distorted guitar in the background is a good addition, but it's a bit...wobbly. Otherwise, the acoustic parts are all great. Nothing major to crit on really. All those little additions such as the high notes are all great. I'd love to hear this with vocals.

Awesome job dude seriously, I love this kind of stuff!

Could you crit mine please? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=887966
Alta Vera - My real life alternative rock band.
Ashen Spire - My personal metal band.

Super Mario, F-Zero & Dragonball Z covers!

PSN: whatev27

Let me ask you, does a machine like yourself ever experience fear?

#4
Nice light hearted song. (dunno if you were going for that, but it sounds light hearted.) I really like the arrangement. That would sound epic with a ukulele behind it. Now I want to hear what it would sound like with lyrics


Crit por favor?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=888584
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=886600
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=877442