#1
Hey everyone, This songs written about the demon drink.

On a personal note I've seen some friends say and do stupid things while under the influence of alcohol that they normally wouldn't do.

I haven't quite finished it. Any thoughts or input would be greatly appreciated

The Devil

Verse
A dark and stormy
I see the devil, he's in diguise
He looks me in the eye
And dares me to make it through the night

Verse
I grab the devil by the throat
I hold on tight just wanting to let go
He's only inches away
His powers overwhelm me

Chorus ( x2 )
By the light of the moon, injured
I stumble home

Verse
Dr. Jekyl, Mr Hyde
I feel a shiver run down my spine
I hear the devil now
He's taken over my mind

Verse
The devil drops me to my knees
I look up, he seems pleased
My blood shot eyes show the pain
Can't you see I'm beaten

Bridge
I feel no sorrow, don't feel pain
When the devil's running through my veins
Casting shadows over me
All I want is to be free

Chorus( x2 )
By the light of the moon, injured
I stumble home
Last edited by Mario Arevalo at Jun 30, 2008,
#3
Quote by Lambofgodrulz
what style of music is it written for

I guess kinda like a Nick Cave feel. Dark and moody
#4
Quote by Mario Arevalo
Hey everyone, This songs written about the demon drink.

On a personal note I've seen some friends say and do stupid things while under the influence of alcohol that they normally wouldn't do.

I haven't quite finished it. Any thoughts or input would be greatly appreciated

The Devil

Verse
A dark and stormy
I see the devil, he's in diguise
He looks me in the eye
And dares me to make it through the night

"A dark and stormy"...what? Try and explain how the Devil tempts you more sincerly. You have make the reader believe he really was there, when its obvious he wasn't literally.

Verse
I grab the devil by the throat
I hold on tight just wanting to let go
He's only inches away
His powers overwhelm me

Nice feeling here of tension. Work with that. Try and write some more to this and focus on the close combate between you and the figurative Devil.

Chorus ( x2 )
By the light of the moon, injured
I stumble home

"By the light of the moon" sounds like you picked a phrase that sounded cool and ominous. Although it does relate to this dark night at the crossroads to meet the devil with the starry sky, it still feels a little forced mate. But an effective expression of defeat, which is uncommon in lyrical pieces.

Verse
Dr. Jekyl, Mr Hyde
I feel a shiver run down my spine
I hear the devil now
He's taken over my mind


How can you here the Devil? You need to explain all the details better and more indepthly.

Overal, the piece is fine, except its too short and doesn't have enough in it. But that problem could be elleviated by continuing on with certain themes and explaining them more.
There is overbearing (in a good way) feeling of suffocation with the Devil's proscitmity to you and that is very good. Well done.
#5
Dark and stormy night is what it was meant to read.
Hey mate. Thanks for your input mate. All comments are very much appreciated.

About the piece being too short, unfortunately I've hit a bit of a block in a way. Hopefully with the knowledge you have shared I can finish this piece off.

Cheers mate