#1
lost in an abstract mess of time,
he's tethered to beds with barbed wire,
every move a pulsating flurry of pain.
amalgamation of different doses cuts out
definite ends.
forbidden living is made to be futile.

helpless suffering is
a catalyst for destruction.
a possible tyrant? a lonely poor soul?
he's claustrophobic
trapped inside
he's lost all basic instincts,
lost all vision of reality.

nightmares of bloodied ceilings
and hospital saws
add to a neverending story of confusion.
optimism hides.
change prevails.
"i'd give my soul to be where i was a year ago... if i had a soul left to give"
#2
lost in an abstract mess of time,
he's tethered to beds with barbed wire,
every move a pulsating flurry of pain.
amalgamation of different doses cuts out
definite ends.
forbidden living is made to be futile.
first 3 lines i didnt favor
helpless suffering is
a catalyst for destruction.
a possible tyrant? a lonely poor soul?
he's claustrophobic
trapped inside
he's lost all basic instincts,
lost all vision of reality.
this stanza felt weak to me
nightmares of bloodied ceilings
and hospital saws
add to a neverending story of confusion.
optimism hides.
change prevails.
this stanza's is the best of the three


over all good
im glad i read it
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him
#3
lost in an abstract mess of time,
he's tethered to beds with barbed wire,
every move a pulsating flurry of pain.
amalgamation of different doses cuts out
definite ends.
forbidden living is made to be futile


Untouchable IMO, especially the last line.

helpless suffering is
a catalyst for destruction.
a possible tyrant? a lonely poor soul?
he's claustrophobic
trapped inside
he's lost all basic instincts,
lost all vision of reality.


The "poor" in line three seems to drag it out and make it sound more cliche than it has too. I really like what the last two lines are saying but not the way you're saying it, you know? Otherwise good.

nightmares of bloodied ceilings
and hospital saws
add to a neverending story of confusion.
optimism hides.
change prevails.


Returns with the power of the first stanza. I like the reference to "The Neverending Story", because that movie was pretty nuts . The last two lines wrap it up faster than I like but sound good, and I guess it makes sense because the character has to change and the only real way is to dive right into it. At least thats how I read it. Great visuals, descriptions, expressions... kudos. And hey, if you wouldn't mind, I could use some help with this non-rhyming stuff. Just posted a piece if you're interested: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=889192
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
#4
I love the feel, some of the words may have not fit quite right, but the story behind them is good. Overall good.