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#1
I've just returned here to my university compuuter room to escape the hellhole that is my university flat at the moment.

Basically I had a massive bust-up with this guy. What happened was that I was in a flat on the middle floor. I made friends with this guy (I'll call him A) and we found out we were both musicians and I helped him out with various things realating to that.

Basically the argument he had with me is that he 'gave up his time and money to help me and make me more popular (his words) and that in some way I used him because I 'gave nothing back'

The way I see it is that although he did do some things for me musically, I have gained nothing from this guy. He is very different to me, very magnetic in personality and wanting to make friends with everyone, and is sometimes a little too ambitious. But this guy is completely wrong- I showed him my world, things seen from a bassist's POV and also he wouldn't have known anything about progressive music or the worship music scene.

What made it even worse was that this guy said to my face that I was never going to be a good bassist and that I was never going to be good enough to be in a band. This is probably the most hurtful thing he said.

I've also been experiencing suicidal thoughts and he said infront of witnesses that he wouldn't give a damn if I killed myself or not and that he wished in some ways that I would kill myself.

So there it is. I spent 8 months of my life with this guy and he says all I am is a deluded religious fanatic with a mental illness and a need to die.


I feel like crap.
Last edited by Fassa Albrecht at Jun 19, 2008,
#2
Uh....there's always your drums.

Tell him that it takes skill to play drums, not bass.

(to you bassists, I'm kidding)
Get a Carvin. Do it.
Last edited by ferretface at Jun 19, 2008,
#3
I'm sorry, man. He sounds really hurtful. I hope you feel better. And I'm sure if you practice hard nough and long nough, you'll one day be in a very successful band. Keep that dream alive, man.
#5
People are pretty rubbish...you're better off without this friend and you've got nothing to worry about. He, on the other hand, will probably always be a complete wanker. He's got a lot to worry about.
#7
Quote by ferretface
Uh....there's always your drums.



That is very true....in some ways the comments about my bassplaying make me want to prove him wrong.
#8
I feel like crap too. Misery loves company yes? I feel for you, and I don't think you should associate yourself with him anymore. He sounds ridiculous... well at least he's being ridiculous with you. Don't worry about his criticism of your bass skills, you should be your only judge.

It sounds like it's just a silly fight, he'll probably come around. But I still don't know if you ought to associate with him... especially if he has a history of these types of things happening.
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#9
Make new friends, move out. this guy seems like a douchewad. you could and can do better. and im not blaming you, this guy was an asshole. but you seem cool. you should just get away from him and move on. Im sure you can do that. and if youre getting suicidal thoughts, talk to someone. a counselor, a friend, someone you trust.
#11
Basically this guy gave to you exactly what you gave to him.
Well for one, remember this. He said you're never going to be good enough to play in a band.
Mark Hoppus.

That being said, if he's just being an asshole and he's not worth keeping around, whats the problem? It's easier said then done, but ya know, forget it and go on with your life.
#12
Quote by Metallist65
I'm sorry, woman. He sounds really hurtful. I hope you feel better.

Fix'd.

Don't Fassa, life always gets better.



Have some Leppard

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#13
That guy is a fag. My advice for you is to just get over it. If you keep practicing and are outgoing you will eventually end up in a band. Oh. And try stop contemplating about suicide.
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Last edited by RC_Hammer at Jun 19, 2008,
#14
Quote by DanteLord
Make new friends, move out. this guy seems like a douchewad. you could and can do better. and im not blaming you, this guy was an asshole. but you seem cool. you should just get away from him and move on. Im sure you can do that. and if youre getting suicidal thoughts, talk to someone. a counselor, a friend, someone you trust.



I'm seeing a psychiatric nurse today actually......10am.
#15
Quote by Fassa Albrecht
I'm seeing a psychiatric nurse today actually......10am.
You know what would be good preparation for that? Getting the five hours of sleep you've still got time for You'll feel less bugged in the morning anyway.

*hug*
#16
You know, you probably wouldn't want to hear me talk about religion. That being said, i would never insult someones beliefs to their face or behind their back, no matter what my opinion is. This guy sounds like a tool, and an asshole. If you have a dream or goal, **** what other people say.

"Leave out the fiction, the fact is this friction will only be worn by persistence. Leave out conditions, courageous convictions will drag the dream into existence."
#17
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Fix'd.

Don't Fassa, life always gets better.



Have some Leppard



*drools over Rick Allen*

That made me feel a lot happier.
#18
how exactly is introducing him to the world of progressive music and worship music 'showing him your world'? i don't exactly see what he's done for you, but all you did was show him what kind of music you listen to, and he just so happened to get into it a bit. Did he like introduce you to all his friends or something? if so, he probably DID do more for you than you did for him.

what you need to do (if you still want to be friends with him, that is. i can see you not wanting to, after he just told you out of the blue that he didn't care if you killed yourself) is tell him that yea, you haven't done much for him as far as 'moving up in the world' is concerned, but that's only because of the circumstances. your friendship should be enough for him, so that if he DOES need you for something, you're there.
#19
Dude, he is a pecker head.... some peice of **** insecure dumb ass guitarist. Don't let him get to you, odds are, your a hell of a better musican then he is....so tell him to **** him self. Life is a gift....dont throw it away man!
#20
I'd say keep going at your bass, use this as motivation and eventually join a band better than the one he's in.
#21
dude, don't care what he says. he's just angry, and he probably doesnt mean it. if you two were good enough friends, he'll get over it soon enough. don't go and kill yourself over something hurtful someone says. sticks and stones? =/
#22
Quote by smb
You know what would be good preparation for that? Getting the five hours of sleep you've still got time for You'll feel less bugged in the morning anyway.

*hug*



*big hug back*


Sleep....what's that?
#23
hes a douch, im sure ur a fine bassit bass is like alot harder that it looks, ive tried, i bet he cant play bass very well
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#24
Quote by Fassa Albrecht
*big hug back*


Sleep....what's that?
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#25
You seem to be experiencing emotions similar to those of a teenage girl.

You sure you're in college?
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#26
That guy is a freaking tool. He's probably no where near as good as a musician as you. Just because he might have a lot of friends doesn't mean he is a better person than you.

From what it sounds like, he's probably jealous of your bass playing.
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#29
Quote by E Daws
You seem to be experiencing emotions similar to those of a teenage girl.

You sure you're in college?

Yeah, because only teenage girls experience depression.

Grow up, prick.
#30
im just throwing this out there... if you did kill yourself he would be like damn, i just killed that ****ty bassist. well im not trying to be mean saying ive been contemplating suicide more and more. but DUDE its f'ing quiting and don't be a quiter
#31
just rape him with a broom. and btw you can do anything you want just find inspiration in the fact he says you cant.

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lets watch this thread die like i should have on page 1
#32
Quote by Glen'sHeroicAct
how exactly is introducing him to the world of progressive music and worship music 'showing him your world'? i don't exactly see what he's done for you, but all you did was show him what kind of music you listen to, and he just so happened to get into it a bit. Did he like introduce you to all his friends or something? if so, he probably DID do more for you than you did for him.

what you need to do (if you still want to be friends with him, that is. i can see you not wanting to, after he just told you out of the blue that he didn't care if you killed yourself) is tell him that yea, you haven't done much for him as far as 'moving up in the world' is concerned, but that's only because of the circumstances. your friendship should be enough for him, so that if he DOES need you for something, you're there.



It wasn't just the music, but I told him about all the different places he could go to meet other musicians and 'arty' people. I also introduced him to a shedload of people he wouldn't have met otherwise (including a lot of people from my course) and also helped him do basic things like set up a MySpace account and email address.
I then ended up essentially being his personal PA, and he promised me in return that he would write songs for me and find me a band.

I don't think even if we did get back together, we simply couldn't make up over this.
#33
Dude dont even worry bout it. our bassist plays outta time and is outta tune half the time even in the studio with us, and we still had to get him cuz there arent any other bassists around. Im effing sure youll find a band assuming your better then our bassist of course. which is nothing...
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#34
Quote by MODESTme
Dude dont even worry bout it. our bassist plays outta time and is outta tune half the time even in the studio with us, and we still had to get him cuz there arent any other bassists around. Im effing sure youll find a band assuming your better then our bassist of course. which is nothing...



Sounds like me.....except I have a slap-bass addiction.
#35
I had a simliar experience once when I played with this drummer. After the jam session he was like man you suck. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt my feelings a lot because I take guitar seriously.

After that I was destined to prove this guy wrong and practiced my butt off for about year. The best thing happened when I played a show with his band. His band opened the show to about 3 people. When my band took the stage we played to about 50 people. (it was a coffee shop downtown so it was packed)

After the show, he came up to me and said man that's one of best live performances I've ever seen.

Sweet sweet revenge! Moral of the story; prove him wrong.
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#36
If it makes you feel any better, those of us on UG know that you're talented, and that this guy more than likely suffers from "I am being a dick to make up for the small one I possess" disease.
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#37
Quote by Spamwise
Yeah, because only teenage girls experience depression.

Grow up, prick.


That's what he needs to do.
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#38
Quote by Dr. No
I had a simliar experience once when I played with this drummer. After the jam session he was like man you suck. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt my feelings a lot because I take guitar seriously.

After that I was destined to prove this guy wrong and practiced my butt off for about year. The best thing happened when I played a show with his band. His band opened the show to about 3 people. When my band took the stage we played to about 50 people. (it was a coffee shop downtown so it was packed)

After the show, he came up to me and said man that's one of best live performances I've ever seen.

Sweet sweet revenge! Moral of the story; prove him wrong.



Precisely what I'm planning to do. I've got a mind to learn jazz bass, take a class and see if I can't prove him wrong both practically and also on paper as an exam.

Either that or get a prog-rock band together (he reckons I'll never do this) and play a massive gig, bigger than any of his.
#39
are you a girl? because you sound like a girl.

and is there something recently that he thought you were going to do for him? perhaps there's something he was secretly hoping you'd do, or you told him you might do in passing, that you never got around to doing. i can't really see why he'd just suddenly go off on you like this, unless it was something like that. THAT, or he talked to a friend who told him that you were a loser, or that he shouldn't be finding you a band and writing songs for you if you weren't doing him a big favor.

the point of friendship is not to do each other favors. friendship itself is the favor. and if a friend just so happens to need a favor, friendship is the bond that allows a friend to do that favor, solely for the purpose of helping a friend. if he thought the point of the friendship was to give each other favors, then he wasn't a friend.
#40
Quote by Gunpowder
If it makes you feel any better, those of us on UG know that you're talented, and that this guy more than likely suffers from "I am being a dick to make up for the small one I possess" disease.