#1
denying yourself the basic necessities is like staying out of the sun. Posting your own picture on the wall is inviting someone to come over to your room and skewer it with a dart. I will color your world blue, I promise. Like abstinence from sleep, and books to read. I see an orchid. Sunset, not sunrise will hit its petals, draining its energy. Like the roots of the tree, in shallow soil, that fails its hosts. Like the spring that fails its predecessor, and leaves it to freeze.

To say "I was just late for the train" is not a viable excuse, to leave us all out in the cold. Inhuman.

I will color your world blue, I promise. I will make your eyes blue too, next time.

Abstinence from sleep and books to read.

Here, have an orchid, it will cheer you up. Looks how the sunset drains its energy


and gives it to you


Look at how,
the sky is blue
and covers your world in aqua


Today I opened the cover of a book
And sat down by the bedside

There was a dream where spring came, gave life to rosebuds
All the birds were blue

I was given an orchid that made me happier than I had ever been.


For the first time I had a clue. I was to paint my walls orange, to attract the blue.
I gave painter all I had, and made him rich, as I sat there in the sun. The blue hated me for that and choked on me.

Blue had failed me

I killed myself.


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um, guys I need your opinion, would it be better If I ended the thing at this line "I was given an orchid that made me happier than I had ever been."?
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#3
One of those pieces that intrigues in it's execution and style in the beginning, but flakes out long before the end into mediocrity.

But I see potential there, so keep writing. Don't get too caught up in the dreary stuff near the end, though.
#4
The idea of this is amazing it starts out brilliant but detirearates around the middle. The last two lines are powerful though. The idea's you present seem a little bit scattered and not in order. Interesting concept though.
I'm here to help

Quote by Jimbleton
ok, as usual pit is being very unhelpful except andychalmers, so im gonna go post this someplace else


And a master of storytelling...

Quote by Jackolas
andychalmers102, that story is awesome.
#5
thanks guys

thanks alot
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#6
first long stanza
was very amazing
not to sure what happened after that
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him