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#1
I'm gonna go ahead and start this off by saying I do indeed have a bad relationship with my dad. There.

Anyways, I was curious, how do you guys see the relationship between father and son? Is it a necessity? Is it not needed at all? What kind of influence do fathers have and what type of influence should they have?

Girls who've decided to step in can add in as they please.
Last edited by musiclover2399 at Jun 21, 2008,
#2
My father left us with the debts of his bankrupt company and another woman when I was twelve, and had 2 sisters 1 older, and 1 much younger.

I'll never forgive him that, and I've told him so. He can always contact us, but as soon as he asks for something, he can go to hell.

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I wrote this story so many days ago
and the words kept falling onto pages.
Without the loss we can't go on
and with the loss we became strong.

#3
Haven't seen him in 16 years, and he died about 5 years ago. So no influence at all for me.
#4
i see that a father in a son's life is a good thing to have. or atleast a father figure. how are you supose to know what manhood is all about? thats something a mother would not know. so i say that they are needed.

your not alone haveing a bad relationship with your father, im in the same boat and have been since my early teen years. now im 21 and wish that it could have been different
#5
I think it's really important. I'm lucky enough to have a great father who I'm more friends with rather than him being an authority figure. He's great.
#8
i think its very important to have a fatherly figure in your life, im lucky to have my dad cause he's hilarious and we just have a laugh about everything.
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#10
Quote by musiclover2399
I know this will sound depressing but if you go around and talk to some people it seems like fathers aren't even meant to be around.


For you, but not for me.
#11
You at least need to have an uncle or a grandfather or even like a really good family friend that can show you how to be a proper man. Cause really, no matter how good your mum is, she can't be a dad as well.
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#12
i didn't get to see my father much, because he was a postman doing night shifts in the sorting office and went to bed pretty much when he came back. i see him more now because of days off from college, etc. and he got different work times.

but i just don't communicated much with him.
he's done nothing wrong though.
#13
My dad died four years ago. He was a hugely positive influence in my life. The lack of a strong male role model is evident now though. I think everyone needs a father, or at least some kind of father figure in their life. Then again, there are some men out there that don't deserve to have children. But the child creation method is so easy, any idiot can do it.
#14
Quote by dudeman_andy
i think its very important to have a fatherly figure in your life, im lucky to have my dad cause he's hilarious and we just have a laugh about everything.


Same for me. If a boy doesn't have some kind of father figure around to teach him how to throw a baseball and whatnot he could end up like oh say... I don't know, Chris Crocker.
Last edited by guitarnoobie at Jun 21, 2008,
#15
Quote by fretsonfire74
I think it's really important. I'm lucky enough to have a great father who I'm more friends with rather than him being an authority figure. He's great.


Same here, both my parents are great. Wow makes me feel lucky compared to some of the stuff you guys have been through.
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#16
Having a mother and father is one of the most important and best things in the world.

the only people who say its not are people who dont have a complete parenthood up-bringing.

I love my mum and dad, and if im anything like my dad i'll be happy ........lulz.
#17
My father(and I use the term loosely) has done more **** than I can type. A good father-son relationship is great, but not necessary for a healthy life.
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#18
I love my parents. I must be very lucky.
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#19
Yeah the posts about having a figure make me think of this crazy statistic I once heard that boys without fathers are something like 14 times more violent or something like that.

Plus whenever I think of a dad being a friend it seems like he won't demand enough respect and when an authority figure type dad comes to mind I see someone who can only have awkward relationships with their kids.

I'm biased about my god-daughters father leaving her though, that pisses me off on a incomprehensible level.
#20
I think it's crucial. I have a poor relationship with my dad. He used to beat me and tried to put me up for adoption (but the rest of the family stopped it)

I've found myself sub-consciously finding father figures. I think it's messed me about a lot.

I have an even worse relationship with my mum, which probably makes it even worse. In my opinion as long as you have one good parent, that's all that matters
#21
my mom broke up with my dad when i was 3, only saw him once a month at the most, not a great dad and yeah, no fatherly figure. =(
#22
Quote by p2fyre
I think it's crucial. I have a poor relationship with my dad. He used to beat me and tried to put me up for adoption (but the rest of the family stopped it)

I've found myself sub-consciously finding father figures. I think it's messed me about a lot.

I have an even worse relationship with my mum, which probably makes it even worse. In my opinion as long as you have one good parent, that's all that matters

I have a lot of respect for you man. It's amazing you still have "positive" view on the subject.
#23
My father left me, my mom and my bro for another women, who he was seeing for 2 years.
I used to see him untill 1-2 years ago, i stopped seeing him, he used to beat me and my bro, he didnt let us call our mom when we where with him, didnt pay what he was supossed to (half the medical/school ****, the usual).
And i dont feel a need for a fatherly figure in my life, me and my bro back up eachother and and all this fuzz made me a better and stronger person.
In the other hand... my bro (who's 17) doesnt think the way i do, he still suffers alot from all this, i've come to accept it and just move on.
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#24
"any fool with a dick can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad" - Furious Styles in Boyz N the Hood.
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#25
Out of most of my friends, i'm one of the only ones whose parents are still together, but me and my dad don't really seem to talk much.
He is just like there to me... he never interacts or talks much to me, he just always nags and moans about things and never even pretends to be interested in what I do lol.
Now and then he does talk and he does stuff now and then but usually my mom is the one who talks a lot and interacts more.
I spose i'm lucky though i've never had to face my parents divorcing or things like that, but I do sometimes wish he would be more interactive with me and not always be such a moany arseface lol.
#26
I like my dad.

There we go.

Yes having a good father figure would be ideal but... single parents can bring up children, people who hate each other can bring up children. Everyone experiences life differently.
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#27
Quote by Popsai
My father left me, my mom and my bro for another women, who he was seeing for 2 years.
I used to see him untill 1-2 years ago, i stopped seeing him, he used to beat me and my bro, he didnt let us call our mom when we where with him, didnt pay what he was supossed to (half the medical/school ****, the usual).
And i dont feel a need for a fatherly figure in my life, me and my bro back up eachother and and all this fuzz made me a better and stronger person.
In the other hand... my bro (who's 17) doesnt think the way i do, he still suffers alot from all this, i've come to accept it and just move on.

That's interesting that you have opposing views because I'm starting to see two consistent ones. One where a father is a hero and the son becomes the father in the sense that they learn about being a man from them, the other where him leaving is what really makes one a man by forcing one into fending for themself.
#28
Quote by Popsai

And i dont feel a need for a fatherly figure in my life, me and my bro back up eachother and and all this fuzz made me a better and stronger person.
In the other hand... my bro (who's 17) doesnt think the way i do, he still suffers alot from all this, i've come to accept it and just move on.

Yeah, me and my cuz both had pretty ****ty fathers, and it's made us like brothers.
"I sorta don't trust anyone who doesn't like Led Zeppelin"
-Jack White
#29
Quote by musiclover2399
That's interesting that you have opposing views because I'm starting to see two consistent ones. One where a father is a hero and the son becomes the father in the sense that they learn about being a man from them, the other where him leaving is what really makes one a man by forcing one into fending for themself.

Its kinda interesting, but i got to say ive learned alot from this, and it really opened my eyes to life.
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why not, i started using the zakk wylde boomers and now every third note i hit is a pinch harmonic


#30
My dad influenced me inasmuch as when i was very young, i wanted to be a doctor(like him). Then, as I got older, I realised that he worked very hard, all the time, and that I was a lazy git.
Plus, when was about 15, one night mum was going nuts about him being late, and dinner being ruined etc. When he did finally arrive, he was covered in blood and bits of some poor bastards brain, having been flagged down on the road, less than a mile from home. Some guy had been hit by an unsecured van door, and it pretty much cracked his head like an egg.
#31
I have a pretty much non-existant relationship with my father and I turned out fine. Except for the prostitute killing.
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#32
I think a father figure is quite necessary for a child growing up, especially for a boy. It is from a father that a boy learns independence, how to fend for himself, how to do things himself and how to be himself. A mother is far too protective and worrying to allow her son to discover things for himself, where as a father does exactly that and allows teaches the son how to do things themselves. I know many people who grew up without a father and each one of them hopelessly relies on other people in almost everything.
#33
Quote by ytse Jammer
Same here, both my parents are great. Wow makes me feel lucky compared to some of the stuff you guys have been through.


Yup. I'm in the same boat.
#34
Quote by michal23
I think a father figure is quite necessary for a child growing up, especially for a boy. It is from a father that a boy learns independence, how to fend for himself, how to do things himself and how to be himself. A mother is far too protective and worrying to allow her son to discover things for himself, where as a father does exactly that and allows teaches the son how to do things themselves. I know many people who grew up without a father and each one of them hopelessly relies on other people in almost everything.

That is absolutelly not true at all.
I find myself not relieing on other people all the time, i mean, i always do things by/for myself, be it at school or not.
It was me who worked during summer to buy my guitar, either hard or not i almost never ask for help at school, and its me who buys my clothes/things.
Growing up in a poor family, and losing my father, has i sayd, made me open my eyes to life.
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Quote by shredhead22
why not, i started using the zakk wylde boomers and now every third note i hit is a pinch harmonic


#35
Quote by Kensai
I have a pretty much non-existant relationship with my father and I turned out fine. Except for the prostitute killing.

The same for me. Except for the prostitute killing.
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#36
My father is great, we can get along but he always asks if we can go do things together. It's nice of him but we just can't talk for more than 5 minutes, after that it's just silence and sometimes a random line. I don't think fathers and sons have to be friends, because that's what my dad is trying to be, but we are too different from each other. He's great as a father but I don't have/want to be friends with him.
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#37
My dads really serious around me. It would be hard without his influence or stuff like that. My mom doesn't work so its just him.
#38
I have a good relationship with my Dad, and I like him we have fun together, and I feel I've turned out a good person.

My brother hates my Dad, and he is always getting into trouble, and is a shit.

So, a figure to look up to and to have a good relationship with is important, but it doesn't have to be neccasary if you feel that you don't need it. Relationships are different for everyone.
#39
My dad taught me about respect for other people, to work hard for what you want, and that as long as what I do doesn't hurt anyone physically or mentally its nobody elses business.

He also taught me how to kick peoples arses...but only if they hit me first

He taught me how to ride a bike, swim, helped me out with training for athletics, taught me to drive, helps me get to and from gigs when needed. etc etc

he's a great guy, my role model really.

----

However, we don't do the whole "wanna go fishing son" thing and our conversations are usually brief. But hell he's my dad he doesn't have to be my buddy
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#40
I don't think it's' necessary, but it's great to have. My dad died 5 years ago in a car crash. I was lucky to have him for the time that I did, I think in the long run it will have made me a better person; there are many things that I wouldn't believe in or do if I didn't have him for that time.
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