#1
Here it is:

I tear my gaze from the stains on the wall
and manage to keep my head held high
I know you thought we'd seen it all
still you keep that fire in your eye

Chorus:
Give yourself a chance, get out while you can
another five years it'll be too late
Do yourself a favour, be a man
book it out now don't hesitate

A ripple moves throughout the town
and those who're stoned listen through the windows
It doesn't matter what happens now
watch it fall like a seed unsown

Chorus

You can stick around and find some land
or stay mobile and shake it around
either way, ya gotta have a plan
and don't forget to hit the ground
Don't you trust nobody too well
gotta be your own best friend
get ready for a living hell
and try to make it out the other end

Chorus

That's it, boys and girls
#2
First off, I really enjoy both verses. The idea might or might not be cliche depending on whom you ask, but if it is, so what? I think, for a song like this, a little bit of cliche almost helps sell it. That "get out now" feeling is something that a lot of people experience, and if it feels like sage, ancient, beaten-to-death emotion rather than something totally new, it may just add to the appeal.

The biggest thing I notice is this: the second verse and the first verse don't seem to be made of the same stuff. The first is very tight, with very strong imagery that's clearly understood, grammatically very well-written, and almost a little ambiguous. The second verse is a bit looser and almost more free-verse, it seems more colloquial and personable and message-over-form. Either way's fine, I think, but at least reading them, I'm not sure the two verses really fit together.

Either way, thanks for sharing, man.

Peace. Out.
Classifieds mod said this didn't count as trying to sell anything, I'll say it here:

If you're looking to be able to take credit cards in-person (not over the internet where paypal will work), pm me and I can hook you up with the stuff you need.
#3
Chorus:
Give yourself a chance, get out while you can
another five years it'll be too late
Do yourself a favour, be a man
book it out now don't hesitate


It's good, and it's a bit cliché.
I think that you should replace this part with something more meaningful. I'm not good at lyrics, I must admit, but this part of the chorus is already told in the line above. (Excuse my choice of words)
C4C
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