#1
Hi guys. I wrote a acoustic song over the past few days and began working on mixing it and what not. I only have done about 4 lines of vocals, and laid the basic rhythm down for the entire song. I may alter that. There is a section where I play 3 guitar parts (I mixed them all together). Yeah, here are the lyrics. PS: I know the rhythm is basic, but I think its effective. Comment me and I'll comment you!

Link: http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Ulalume/music/all/play337225 (my profile)

PS: Inspiration comes from black metal and what not majorically.

Lyrics:

I play sustained notes
As I dance on your grave
My trampling feet have never been so naive.

Will not my shadow be cast on you at first light?
Will not this apparition of your sanity
Revel in the constant fight
Between you and the starry sky?

I grace your lips
And with this saturated bite
This angel with the devil's guile
Appears to me this night.

"Walk into your destiny
The mace of a murderous life
A requiem I speak for you
In the ocean of a knife."

So sick have I grown
This illusion of Adam and Eve
Determined with my might to grace the serpent
And do no more than plead.

Life, with its vanity
Pours oil on my flesh
This dying rose I place now
Takes place of my heart
In my chest.
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#3
Apparently you have no comments of any value. hahah.
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#4
It's kind of hard to hear everything but it might be a pretty good song if the vocals really shined through. I'm assuming that's what your emphasis is on since the guitar is fairly basic. Do it with some better quality man and I'd love to hear.

P.S. I programmed drums on my song with a program called reason.
Rig:
Schecter Hellraiser FR
Peavey 6505 Head
Vader 4x12
BBE 482

DOD EQ
Boss NS-2
#6
...turn up the volume then

I hear it fine on my computer. haha
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#7
I thought it was pretty cool. The last line of the lyrics is quite good, but I think alot of the power of those lines gets lost when words like 'I' and 'my' are used. Think of ways to get out of using those words and you will find your lyrics will take on a new, poetical dimension. Just a thought.

The guitar playing was pretty poor though. Try playing to a metronome or a click track to tighten up the timing. And it was really quiet too as others have pointed out.
#8
I've added the rest of the singing plus a few more things into the mix. Thanks for the comments so far. PS: I'm working on trying to get it to be louder, but having difficulty with that.
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