#1
the first song i've ever written and my first post on this forum, also im dutch so grammar and spelling might not be perfect.

it's about how ppl can change when there with friends, how they act like being your friend, but talk about you behind your back. And how they hurt the ppl they love or care about by doing that.

hope you like it.

plz give advice and give some tips for future lyrics
I'll try to crit your lyrics too, although i'm new to songwriting and havent got much experience.


Falling from this world of hope,
Failing to control myself.
Arms around me filled once with love,
They're now an empty shell.
And always being nice and all,
Look at what you’ve done.
Like the angel you were to me,
The demon you’ve become.

Can’t you see what you’ve done to me
Why don’t you tell me what is wrong.
Is there something wrong with me which I cant see
Cant you see what you’ve done….to me….

Hate is the fuel for me, works like a charm and ecstasy.
You ****ing bitch why cant you see, you were all I need.
You make my ears bleed, with every excuse you make.
You think you can ****ing take, my life away.
But I will stay, no matter what you do to me!!
Cant you see what you’ve done….to me….

Empty feelings is what I feel,
Filling it with booze.
As time and hope is flying by.
Got nothing more to loose.
Behind the bar is a mirror,
What the hell do I see?
The image is twisted and a wreck.
That person can’t be me.

Can’t you see what you’ve done to me
Why don’t you tell me what is wrong.
Is there something wrong with me which I cant see
Cant you see what you’ve done….to me….

Hate is the fuel for me, works like a charm and ecstasy.
You ****ing bitch why cant you see, you were all I need.
You make my ears bleed, with every excuse you make.
You think you can ****ing take, my life away.
But I will stay, no matter what you do to me!!
Cant you see what you’ve done….to me….
Last edited by Pinkster-Aap at Jul 23, 2008,
#2
I like it alot, this song could be the theme song for my life right now. I dont like the use of profanity in music, so I'd like it more without. Its very good for a first song, you didnt feel the need to rhyme everything.
Call me Dom
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