#1
this is a kinda slow metal song that i wrote its called liar


lost in the world
Searching in my head
for the answer that aren’t said
The more I was denied
The harder that I tried
The more I tried only brought more pain

The more I tried
The more i lied
The harder it all became
So many lies and so much pain
Liar is my name..


As I asked you to help me find my way
You turned and smiled to me
Threes nothing more to say
To move on means to leave behind
To move on is a easy thing
Its leaving behind that’s hard



The more I tried
The more i lied
The harder it all became
So many lies and so much pain
Liar is my name..


Solo


The more I tried
The more i lied
The harder it all became
So many lies and so much pain
Liar is my name..
#2
lost in the world
Searching in my head
for the answer that aren’t said
The more I was denied
The harder that I tried
The more I tried only brought more pain


this is a pretty good start. im not sure how much i like lines 2-3. it kinda gives an impression that the song is in your head, whereas verse two brings out conversation between individuals. just not quite so consistent i geuss is what bothers me. rest is pretty good, i like the logical conclusion (i.e failed plans=more pain)

The more I tried
The more i lied
The harder it all became
So many lies and so much pain
Liar is my name..


i love your chorus. you can definitely feel the intensity and gloom in it. i think this works great.

As I asked you to help me find my way
You turned and smiled to me
Threes nothing more to say
To move on means to leave behind
To move on is a easy thing
Its leaving behind that’s hard


im not sure how much i like this verse. seems kind of stunted, like it wanted to grow and develop more, but it kinda got hurried. the ending to me is the highlight, but id have to hear it sung and hear the rythm, because for a slow metalish song a la "unforgiven" it might not flow to well.

id say revise your verses more but the chorus is awesome, and i really like it. id love to see what you do with it.

C4C? my song is called "before long"
Last edited by thesrvivngmmbrs at Jun 22, 2008,