#1
...Is the name of my new song, I definitely think this one is better but I don't know, its up to you guys and gals to judge. I haven't really made a chorus for this, but maybe one of the verses could be it :/

So here it is.


I'm telling you the truth
As far as I can tell
I tell you to enjoy yourself
But your in your own hell

No matter how far you run
You'll always find a shore
Left without a f***ing pun
And you've never needed it more

Mouths sown shut
Without any closure
I missed the way you felt
But what was done was dealt

My personal doppleganger
Just put me in the hanger
Back in the closet to age
For the perfect time to rage
Last edited by takana456 at Jun 23, 2008,
#3
really?

cuz all that was right off the top of my head

about the pun bit:

what if I kept the pun line
but put: 'And you never needed IT more'?
#4
that would do a lot for it
ಠ_ಠ
<|>
/ω\



Tell me what nation on this earth, was not born of tragedy-Primordial
#5
i agree with eggmond. take the pun out. but otherwise its good. btw, what is a doppleganger? lol