Yeah, I decided I'm going to relearn soloing and take it seriously. Basically my current solos = random pentatonic bull**** which sounds like **** more often than not. And when I try the minor scale I can't get anything memorable out of it.

So, link me to some stuff that will help me relearn soloing. Or books, whatever.
Find the key of the song, find those notes on the fretboard, and land using scales of those to fill

Ex: knockin on heavens door

Key: G

Progression: G,D,C

...start on a G, go around a scale a bit, land on a D, go around a bit, land on C, REPEAT

Try to mix major and pentatonic together at the same time

Just play around a lot
soloing is more of a experience thing than a learn thing. The only way to get better is by doing it more. Yes, knowledge does help you solo opening up new things to play. The thing that helped me most was learn theory so I suggest starting there.
First thing - learn the notes on the fretboard
Second thing - learn the major scale and it's intervals.
Actually called Mark!

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i wanna see a clip of a recto buying some groceries.

learn all scale modes and chords, along with the arpeggio for each chord
Die Ruhe vor dem Sturm.
learn the harmonic minor scale pattern. it can be used in almost every solo, and it is pretty much just filling in the gaps that the pentatonic scale doesn't have. I learned it from buckethead's soloing, and my soloing has gone from playing mostly wrong incoherent pentatonic notes to actually having movement and soul to it. know it inside and out and you will be expressive and memorable with your soloing. and use bends and vibrato. they always help.
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When it comes to soloing well, IMO, I think the best weapon is experience. Play a LOT, and play a lot of different things. The more you play, the more "stuff" you'll be able to add to your repetoire of things-you-can-do-while-soloing. The more you play, the more you'll pick up on little tricks you will later subconciously add to your solos, and the bigger this bank is, the more versatile you'll be as a player. Knowing the notes on your guitar helps, obviously, but it won't make you play more creatively or with more emotion.