i'd repeat "what will be when death becomes us" at the end, and title the song "What Will Be",
“Owning a handgun doesn't make you armed any more than owning a guitar makes you a musician.”
i like this piece as well.

i dont know if youve thought of this, but it sounds like this would be an excellent base for a sonnet. i would love to see that.

whatever you choose with it, i like it.

crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=890884