#1
INTRO/VERSE 1

Changing shapes, I alternate
Too tired to be the imagery
Seperation makes me whole
Give them time, they'll buy the sound

I don't want to stop this mantra

VERSE 2

Apophenia in my veins
Tsunami raging in my mind
Trying to walk against the wind
The dusk appears and grants the seed

All these worlds I balance under


VERSE 3
Candle burning with no flame
You can't hurt me with that paper chain
You told me to close this door
Don't know what I'm feeling for

The opposite has opposed itself

VERSE 4

The me inside slips away
Reality itself displays
Time is just a resonance
The sky reveals its infinity

Satellites of my wandering mind

VERSE 5
Clouds enclose my paradise
Guardian walls conceal my eyes
Dissonance destroys the clouds
Giants push the walls aside

I didn't mean to taste the thunder

OUTRO/VERSE 6

It seems the scales are balanced right
Equality in every sight
My mind begins to dream of red
Purity in my idiocy
Conjuring the second sin
Whisper in my ear again
The calm before the circle storm
The river of life divides in two


please say what you think
Last edited by Spirit Level at Jun 26, 2008,
#2
Nice, I like it.

To me, though, 'Tsunami' in the second line of the second verse could do with changing. A Tsunami doesn't really rage like a storm would, it's just a huge wave. Perhaps Hurricane or storm would be more appropriate.

There's little bits aswell, where you rhyme the first couplet, but then don't on the second. And then there's verse's where you don't at all, it just seems sort of staggered and slightly lacking that structure to keep it flowing.
#4
I like your vocabulary:

Dissonance, and apophenia are a great choice in words

for some reason, I had the song 'walk' by pantera going in my head listening to this.
but not in total order of song.