#1
This is an acoustic song...any critique would be greatly appreciated. Please only by those qualified though. Thanks

Its only been a week, and I’m barely hangin on,
I don’t seem myself, now that you are gone.
Soon ill be leavin too, it wont be so bad,
Dry your eye babe, and promise not to be sad

Somethin tells me it'llbe just fine
Im all yours, and you’re only mine
People say we cant make it through
But they don’t know how I feel about you

The summer will end, but we wont follow.
Being without you, is more than I can swallow.
Assure me hunny, this aint a mistake;
Thatd be one thing, I definately couldn’t take.


Somethin tells me it'll be just fine
Im all yours, and you’re only mine
People say we cant make it through
But they don’t know how I feel about you

How I feel about you

Somethin tells me it'll be just fine
Im all yours, and you’re only mine
People say we cant make it through
But they don’t know how I feel about you
Guild GAD-40C w/ PWM pickup
Martin 000-16GT
Washburn D10s-12
Fender Jimmie Vaughan Strat
Schecter C-1+ (For SALE!)
Epiphone G-400 Ltd. w/ EMG's
Last edited by LESH89 at Jun 25, 2008,
#2
First off, I don't know how qualified I might be, but here goes anyways.

Overall, I do like the song, but there are some cliches floating around in there that probably should be cleaned up. Also, line 12 seems to have too many syllables in there, maybe it'd work with the right melody, maybe not, I don't know how you want it to sound.

What I do like is that you can really just read the brutal honesty flowing out of these lyrics. The emotion is very real and in-your-face, which is very important, especially for sad love songs like this. Nice job.

If you'd like to critique my piece, it is entitled Last Chance Cafe, you should be able to find it relatively easily.
#3
Thanks. Yeah, I was having a tough time with line 12, but was too stubborn to change it at first. ; ]

I also checked out your lyrics for "Last Chance Cafe", and left a comment.
Guild GAD-40C w/ PWM pickup
Martin 000-16GT
Washburn D10s-12
Fender Jimmie Vaughan Strat
Schecter C-1+ (For SALE!)
Epiphone G-400 Ltd. w/ EMG's