#1
As I waited for my room key in the lobby of the Hotel Dillinger I sat watching newscasts
on the television suspended in the corner.
"Island officials are in a race against time to locate a family of vicious black panthers
that have strayed from their nesting grounds from somewhere in the jungle and are making their way to the Hotel Dillinger, located on the North East side of the island. A trail of murdered and maimed farmers have led to the hotel grounds and..."
The bellhop arrived with my key and I headed to my room.

Once inside I placed my bags on the bed and walked out onto the balcony for a smoke.
Adjacent to me on the neighboring balcony she stood.
Wearing a high dress and a long wool button up sweater.
I could recognize those dimples and that nose anywhere.
"You're Daphne Dupree, the porn star right?"
"Yes, yes I am. So you're a neighboring pervert, right?"
"No, no, no...I don't watch the stuff, but you are legend. Violet's Run, Inside Amber, you were in those right?"
"Yes I was."
I lept across my balcony over to her's and we went inside for a drink.
She carried herself like a little girl.
When she sat she crossed her legs and rubbed her feet together an even amount of times. She chewed the inside of her jaw (My mother does this) and she bit her lip when she smiled.
"So he was a black cat. Elliott. He lived to be 16 and it was like losing a family member you know?"
"No, yeah, I've been there. I understand completely."
She starts laughing as she tells the story.
"So you think it would've been old age that would kill him right? But he wanders around the bushes and into the pool and he...he drowns. He just drowns."
"I'm sorry."
"But things come and go. People come and go."
She fell face forward onto the bed and started crying.
"We're not going to fuck just because I'm a porn star!"
"I didn't plan on it."
"Yeah, bullshit! You hop my balcony and help yourself to my bar! It isn't going to happen! So why don't you just go? Why don't you just go!"
I stood up and collected my glasses.
"I wasn't trying to pull a fast one on you."
She hopped out of bed and threw her arms around me.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...Jesus, I'm so sorry. Don't hate me."
"I can't make a judgement on that just yet anyways."
"God, please don't fucking hate me, please."
"I don't hate you, I adore you."
She ran to the bathroom and locked the door.
"I think you should go....I'm sorry, but I think it's best."
I paced around her room by myself for a few moments then left.

I plopped myself down at the Dillenger Dive bar in the lobby.
It took God seven days to create the Earth and it took me a half an hour to destroy it. Every excremental fleeting burst of happy leaves my head before it even has a chance to take it's shoes off.
While I sat at the bar a black tail rubbed against my foot.
Everyone else noticed it before me and screams and whines and whelps filled the place. The piano player bolted mid-song and trophy wives and concubines scurried around in a frenzy.
Several black panthers ran through the lobby, growling and pouncing at people.
They lashed out and pulled back nothing.
I looked into them and I didn't see man-eating cats.
I saw disgruntled wildlife lost and confused.
I didn't budge.
The largest of the panthers looked at me and I looked right back at him.
Neither of us moved.
In the corner of the room by a row of Ficus plants the others were pummeling a bellboy, helpless and crying.
The panther turned to them, then to me.
I got up and headed sluggishly towards the elevator.
I turned to the big bastard one more time:
"Enjoy your dinner."

She was still in the bathroom.
"Daphne...You need to open up."
"I...I just can't talk right now."
"I really think you need to open up, please."
After a few moments she did, and there I stood.
With a black panther cub in my hands.
Her mouth agape, she slid along the paneling down to the floor.
"His parents went back to the jungle and left him."
She started to cry.
"I thought maybe he could replace Elliott. I mean, not replace him, just...replace him in spirit."
"Can you raise a wild panther? Don't they grow up to be vicious?"
"Depends on how you raise them. On how we raise him. How are we going to raise him?"
She smiled and stood up.
She rested her hands on my shoulders.
"In a big house far away from here."
Poor advice.
#2
Jesus Christ that's good. Even just that last stanza, the voice alone... I dont know, it's late and I cant fully comprehend this right now. Actually, fuuck that, I can comprehend it as much as I would any other time. This is a brilliant story Randy, just great, the world you craft is so fucking real it makes me incredibly jealous and nauseous at the same time. See the first line of this post.

I wish you the best.
#3
I read this story with a smile in my face the whole time.

Other than some awkward line breaks it great.

And the title at first elicited two responses from me, first a comedic vision of a tree attacking a human, but then when it sunk in I realized that killing trees is killing yourself
but you cleverly disguised it in a sentence.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#4
This story is really good. First, I entered in this thread because I thought you were going to spoof "The Happening", and still I ask you if the title has any relation with it.

I don't know if this is supposed to leave a meaning, kind of like on those children's stories, but it left a deep one to me. A nice reading, and I can say a flawless one.

Good job !
#5
Thanks everyone.
The title is a potshot at The Happening, which is an abomination of a movie.

Please leave me links!
I want to return crits.
I want to be a better person.
Poor advice.
#6
HA! I JUST GOT DONE READING IT.
you have some of the best, most utterly captivating dialogue i've ever read before, you bastard. - sorry, but i couldn't give that compliment without calling you some sort of unneccessary name for it.
in addition to seventh's respose; i too jumped the gun at taking a look at this in curiosity of seeing some sort of sarcastic introspection concerning the movie. i was wrong.

honestly, i'm pretty shocked at how much i was drawn into this. great stuff. truly great stuff.
well, i know this wasN'T a crit; but if you'd like to just say "something," or even have a glance at my newest, i'd appreciate it. phonics.

thanks,
Kent
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
Last edited by ottoavist at Jun 25, 2008,
#7
stellar, I haven't commented a lot, but you have by far some of the most awe inspiring pieces I have ever read. If I had a genie, it would take all three wishes for me to be as amazing of a writer as you. Sorry for the kiss-assedness but I really think that it's needed for such genius as this.

I was personally wrapped up in the story from start to end, and it flowed absolutely flawlessly, with every new introduction to the plot not coming too late or too soon. And the way it came together at the end was great. Your wording is something to behold as well, with lines such as:

It took God seven days to create the Earth and it took me a half an hour to destroy it. Every excremental fleeting burst of happy leaves my head before it even has a chance to take it's shoes off.
While I sat at the bar a black tail rubbed against my foot.
Everyone else noticed it before me and screams and whines and whelps filled the place. The piano player bolted mid-song and trophy wives and concubines scurried around in a frenzy.

I couldn't think of any way to better that. Or anything in this piece for that matter, so I won't try to.

On another note though, that movie was most certainly an abomination. I laughed throughout the entire thing when I wasn't cringing from the acting...

But anyways, if you would leave me a comment on any of the one's in my signature, or my newest one (it's on the first page of these, and is going to be in my signature soon)
#8
Quote by stellar_legs
Thanks everyone.
The title is a potshot at The Happening, which is an abomination of a movie.

Please leave me links!
I want to return crits.
I want to be a better person.


If you mind you could maybe take a look at mine
You Don't Have To Be Scared
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian