#1
Ok, this may sound very cheesy and juvenile, but these are honestly the first lyrics I have every written. Im going for a theme about the futile struggle of life and death, and no matter what, you can't beat death. Wow, that sounds emo now haha. Hoping to accompany it to some hard rock or metal riffs, but I want them to at least sound better before that, and I may add more. Please help me out, I dont care how mean you are about it


The shrouding cape of death
Following us through our lives
Fighting for our last breath
Ultimately they will die

Every Saint, Every Sinner
All to certain fate
Awaiting the calling of the reaper
It is he who will desecrate

No more suffering, no more pain
The time for you has come
His fate, your fate, all the same
All senses to the reaper are numb

A futile struggle
Every fight will end the same
Might as well just give up
Nobody can win this game
#2
Quote by thetoastinator
The shrouding cape of death
Following us through our lives
Fighting for our last breath
Ultimately they will die - Wouldn't "we" make more sense?

Every Saint, Every Sinner
All to certain fate
Awaiting the calling of the reaper
It is he who will desecrate

No more suffering, no more pain
The time for you has come
His fate, your fate, all the same
All senses to the reaper are numb

A futile struggle
Every fight will end the same
Might as well just give up
Nobody can win this game


I'm not too fond of it simply because it's not the sort of thing I'm into, and to me seems very clichéd, but you could probably make a good old heavy metal song out of that. There is a lack of rhythm but I don't know what sort of riffs or melodies it's going over so it could easily be made to sound fine over the right music. A couple of lines I think could use some improvement: Verse 3 line 4 seems a bit of a mouthful, but again I don't know what music it's going over so it could sound fine; Verse 4 line 3 doesn't seem to flow very well and I think it could be better worded, perhaps "Might as well admit defeat" or something like that.

If you feel like critting mine ...