#1
A poor young man
Drifting into his twenties
Is down in the dirt
With nothing but lint and pennies.

He has a price to pay
He's lost it all
After his friends have let him astray
The worst crime of -all-

Now here he lay
In complete disarray
With no money in hand
And a price to pay.

It all started at noon
As he was walking along
You're average day
The obvious things went wrong

Nothing was serious
And he went with it
But when the worst came to be
He simply couldn't transmit

They had taken him away
They had robbed him of it all
One day he was rich
But the next
He would fall

There were people all around him
Suffering as well
None of them were living
In this tragic state of being

He knew they had it good
They were paying their price
But his price was one to worry with
He was paying with his life

Crawling away from demise
Not begging for forgiveness
That man was found tonight
Murdered in broad daylight

The people diddn't help him
They could've over run them
Taking there time led
To the demise of an innocent man.


This is my first song, i'm just looking for some constructive criticism.
Any would be appreciated.


Edit : Just read it over again, currently looking for something to replace the double 'all'.
I Had No Sig Once.



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Last edited by Nemo306 at Jun 26, 2008,