#1
Wow, haven't been here for a few months. Anyway, new lyrics, please give some feedback. C4C, naturally. Also, which do you think is a better title "Wash it away" or "Bullet Skyline"?

Bullet skyline
Over the cracked asphalt
Nothing draws attention
To your hands
Quite like blood
Looks like blood

So wash it away
Wash it away
Wash it away

Chorus 1
Get under cover
Get under cover
Because no-one is gonna
Save you this time

We take some more
And down it goes
I’ve screamed until
I snapped my throat
But no-one is here
And no-one can hear

So wash it away
Wash it away
Wash it away now

Chorus 2
I think you’d better
Find some cover
You can't be there
When the sky cracks
And clouds collapse

Bridge:
I think you said that this was fate
But with a quiver in your voice and
Crimson highlights
Nothing will wash it away now

Chorus 1
Chorus 2

End.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
Last edited by break-me-in at Jun 27, 2008,
#2
I adore the first two lines. The rest, mainly because of repetition, doesn't seem on par with them.
Then again, the repetition, as long as the music is good, is no problem.
'Snapped my throat' is definitely good imagery, but and the feeling of 'snapped' is the right feeling, but I'm not sure it reads like the right word.
'And it bled' is just too much of an obvious statement for my liking. Made worse by the blood... that feels like blood, though I get what you were aiming for I think, I don't think it's really pulled off well.
Also don't like the rhymes of 'buck' and 'luck'. Those two lines just feel way to structured over the idea of that rhyme.
Though, with music, it could well be great.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#3
So overall I like it. A few things I would look at if I was you would be taking out some of the cliche phrases (drop the bomb, pass the buck). They work, but I think it would sound better and more creative if you dropped things like that. One more thing, I'm torn on the repitition. Some of it I like, such as the "wash it away" pre-chorus, but I'm not a fan of the "get under cover, get under cover" or the "quite like blood, looks like blood". I think it could work if you had the right rhythm for it but, personally, I would change it.

Good luck and I'd appreciate it if you'd crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=894208
#4
To be honest, I like the first 2 lines most as well. I feel as though I lavished writing skill on those and then realised I was all out of inspiration for the bridge, which incidentally, I plan to edit.

I'm going to change the "and it bled" bit, because now that you've pointed it out, it does seem quite weak.

The repetition is somewhat key to the song, and I personally like (some of) it, so I'll be keeping it in.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#5
No, of course, as long as you're happy with it it's good, and I'm sure it's there for a reason in the song!
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#6
Quote by DigUpHerBones
No, of course, as long as you're happy with it it's good, and I'm sure it's there for a reason in the song!


Don't worry, you didn't offend me.

Anyway, I edited those parts that grated most, thoughts?
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#7
The bridge's flow seems off without music. As long as it isn't with music, then hey, no worries.
The chorus uses over used phrases and metaphor choices.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#8
Quote by DigUpHerBones
The bridge's flow seems off without music. As long as it isn't with music, then hey, no worries.
The chorus uses over used phrases and metaphor choices.


It is with music, but it works with the music, as far as I can tell.

I'm still working on the choruses, I'm just trying to think of appropriate replacements.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT