Works maybe...with better recording. Singer who's 20+. Guitar sounds standard.

Here's a gameplan for you.
1) Wait til your voice gets to some Axl Rose/Robert Plant level
2) Record guitar so that it stays on time. Not too big of an issue.
3) You may want to come back in a few years at 1 and re-evaluate lyrics. I know stuff that I wrote at 14 seems not so cool to me now.

It's allright for what it is.
you've got a decent sense of melody and song flow, but your voice sounds so adolescent it's not true. you're obviously not working with great gear either, both instruments and recording equipment. personally i'm of the opinion that it's not worth recording and showcasing anything unless it's a good enough quality that you can seriously imagine people having it on their iPods or whatever, and this isn't.
Ever wonder what rock would have sounded like in 2010 if grunge hadn't made it cool to be stupid?

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