#1
place another dime in the respiration machine
paradox decision incision on kaleidoscope vision
fine light sequenced DNA

open wide, asprin and cyanide
have a twilight remission
dial digits
put the defibrillator on hold
stick to the script
stumble and hit the switch
mumble your condolence
"truth be told, i cant wait till tomorrow"
a bold statement spoken with folded lips

line your suit with the absence of nurse-buttons
stop in line, check the time
a representative will be with you shortly

yeah that one stanza wasnt fitting..so ima leave it out
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him
Last edited by bigbirdfan at Jun 27, 2008,
#3
I really like the use of rhyme in this, the rhyming seems fairly unstructured which I think works very well. I also love the imagery.

Quote by bigbirdfan
strike the coal one more time
light the fire, he'll be fine
proficide this one sentence
guilt him to acceptance


I'm really not sure what this stanza means. Personally I think that it doesn't really fit with the rest of the song, and it doesn't really conjure up any images like the rest of the song does.

Other than that, excellent stuff.