im not exactly good at writing music or lyrics for rock or metal music, but this is something i had in my head for a while, and i wanted to get this out

My face is but a mask
to shield me from the atrocities of man
are we in charge of our own destinies
or unknowingly following a bigger plan

on channel 1 and 3 another homicide
a father of 2 murdered his joy and pride
whats even worse is that he committed the act
without shedding one tear from his eye
Yeah, it may need some work, but it's sweet cause it's honest. Like it's straightforward and doesn't use a bunch of fancy things to cover up what you're really saying. Good start!
If every simple song i wrote
would take your breath away
i'd write it all
needs work but it is good. i like what you've got so far.
RAWR Means I Love You In Dino
I think it's an interesting concept. The problem I see is flow. Line one is too short, and "atrocities" in line two is a mouthful. I also don't think you need to mention two numbers in line five. That's all I can think of. C4C if you want, but I didn't really give a whole crit...
This is the basis of something good.
You need to go back to it and make it flow. Structure your ideas.

This seems like the first ideas you put down on to paper and you haven't gone back and looked at them or made any adjustments.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!