#1
I played a "show" today. It was my family reunion, and I just played four solos linked together, maybe about a 1 min thing. I was expecting about three other people to do something else for the reunion, but I was the only act, so my family thought that my performance wasn't long enough, so they began asking me to play random songs. I'll give you a demonstration.

(Mom): Alex! Play Smells Like Teen Spirit!

(Dad): Alex! Play Blitzkreig Bop!

(Cousin): Play some AC/DC!

(Aunt): Play some Floyd!

And so on and so forth. I only knew a couple of the songs, but I felt really nervous and scared because I haven't even practiced these songs in a while, never the less play them. I'm the kind of guy who likes to have everything planned out and rehearsed. Now, I'm really upset because I played like sh*t and I feel like a terrible musician. How do I overcome this very obivious problem with hecklers?
#3
Just tell them they have terrible taste in music, regardless of what they say.


Heckler: Play (insert song here) by (insert band here)
You: Did you just say (band) The **** does that even mean? Shut the **** up. No one cares about your hippy music.


Works for me.
#5
Dude, this is your family. If you say, "I haven't rehearsed anything and I would prefer not to play anything that hasn't been rehearsed," what do you expect them to say, "too bad?"
#7
Quote by bangoodcharlote
Dude, this is your family. If you say, "I haven't rehearsed anything and I would prefer not to play anything that hasn't been rehearsed," what do you expect them to say, "too bad?"

Dude are out of your mind? Last time I told my mom that she chopped me into 20 pieces with a toothpick and threw me under a lorry driving 200 mph before slicing me in half 172 times with a rusty fork until she got bored and stopped.

So if I were you I WOULDN'T say that.
#9
Quote by BrianApocalypse
I never get heckled because I have a frightening stage presence.

So, that's what I'd try.

It helps to have an AK-47 strapped over your shoulder.
#11
SlackerBabbath has a huge list of things to do...
search this topic and you'll find it.
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Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

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Viscara (my band)
#12
Quote by Mr.Cuddles
SlackerBabbath has a huge list of things to do...
search this topic and you'll find it.


Heh heh, you want 'The Heckler List' don't you.

OK folks, gather around for heckler putdowns 101.

1. I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent! (always start with this as it also gives fair warning)
2. Aww. I remember my first beer too.
3. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
4. There's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
5. You shouldn't drink on an empty head
6. Now I know why some animals eat their young.
7. What holds your ears apart?
8. Do I come to your place of work & tell you how to sweep up?
9. Go and lean against the wall in the other room,... that's plastered too!
10. Was your mother a weightlifter? No? How did she manage to raise a dumbell like you then?
11. If I could find enough wood, I'd board your mouth up!
12. I can't believe it. A hundred million sperm...and you were the quickest?
13. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
14. If brains were bricks, you'd be homeless.
15. Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool or something?
16. Why don't you take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw?
17. With a face that ugly, you could put your nose in your ear and blow your brains out.
18. If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I would have farted.
19. I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm a musician not a proctologist.
20. On a scale of one to ten.... you're an dickhead.
21. You're ugly, your dick is short, no one likes you, shut the f**k up.
22. I've seen better faces on a clock, and even then, a cuckoo came out of it.
23. You couldn't get laid in a brothel with a fistful of twenties.
24. Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date later.
25. Look man, I grew up in... (name an area with a bad rep near to where you're playing) I've already been through your wallet, I know where you live, now shut the f**k up.
26. Good to see you again, I see you've gone back to wearing men's clothing.
27. (To a man who has just implied that you're gay) You want to know if I'm gay? Why don't you and your girlfriend bend over and see which one I f**k?
28. I could have been your father.... but my brother beat me to it because he had change for a dollar.
29. You'll never be half the man your mother was.
30. I got into this business because I thought it would be a bit of a fanny-magnet, but I didn't think I'd come across as big a c*nt as you.... Then say....I apologize for calling you that. I'm sure you're not a c*nt. You probably don't have the depth or capacity to give pleasure.
31. Hey, I like doing my act the way you like having sex- alone.
32. You're the load your momma should have swallowed.
33. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
34. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
36. He's so empty headed, if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
37. I honestly don't think you are a fool.... but then what's my opinion worth against thousands of others?
38. Do you know what you have in common with a sperm cell? You both have a 100 million to one chance of becoming a human being.
39. If you want to be on stage we'll switch places - you
come up here and entertain the audience, I'll go down there and act
like an asshole.


Most of those are not exactly what you'd call family material, but there'll be some among those that you can use for practicaly any eventuality.
Number 15. 'Are you from the shallow end of the family gene pool or something?' works well in a family enviroment, especialy with the addition of the word 'family' as shown in bold.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Aug 27, 2008,
#14
Dude, if you think that is heckling than just wait til you play in front of 300 people or more.
#15
Quote by herman ri2
Dude, if you think that is heckling than just wait til you play in front of 300 people or more.
But you can tell them to go fuck themselves or have security remove them...doesn't quite work that way with Grandma.
#16
Quote by bangoodcharlote
But you can tell them to go fuck themselves or have security remove them...doesn't quite work that way with Grandma.

No.... but it'd be funny to watch.

'Ok grandma, you've had enough to drink, now get your coat and leave peacfully before we have to get rough!'
#17
If you consider that heckling.....you're in for a real treat when you come across the belligerent redneck that's only wants to hear Freeeeeeeebiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrddddddddd. Something about drunk rednecks scare me, maybe it's cause i'm Asian I dunno
#19
Quote by Retro Rocker
It helps to have an AK-47 strapped over your shoulder.


Who needs an AK-47 when you have a 64" chest?
#20
Quote by madefortvmovie
i got sick of my friends/random people screaming freebird at me, so we learned freebird.

the next time people yelled it, we knew it and played it.



I say never give in to freebird demands. I had to give kudos to a band I saw saturday, the crowd kept demanding freebird, and finally the guitarist started to play then stopped instantly as the singer said "**** freebird, we're getting some shots!" I thougt teasing the idiots like that, and not subjecting the rest of us to a freebird cover was awesome.
#21
Quote by bangoodcharlote
But you can tell them to go fuck themselves or have security remove them...doesn't quite work that way with Grandma.



Well, didn't work for Panic at the disco at Download Fest.


...we all know how that turned out...
#23
To kind of quote Lemmy-;
"Tomorrow I'll be hungover, but you'll always be an arsehole!"
And then start something really hi-tempo
(I know it makes no sense, but you can;t guarantee someone'll throw something at you. if they do, change as appropriate)
The rig:
Gibson SG faded special -> Marshall MG 50/100 (working on a valve amp)
Backup: Vintage AV1
Newcastle United
#24
You can tell your family to cut the crap. There's nothing wrong with telling them how you feel. With any other hecklers you have to deal with tell them off or kick some ass.
Your opinion is just that, YOUR opinion. It doesn't make you right. It doesn't make you better. It doesn't make you god. Everyone has their own view and that view is neither right or wrong.

Ignorance destroys music.
#25
Quote by 3rdActguitarist
I played a "show" today. It was my family reunion, and I just played four solos linked together, maybe about a 1 min thing. I was expecting about three other people to do something else for the reunion, but I was the only act, so my family thought that my performance wasn't long enough, so they began asking me to play random songs. I'll give you a demonstration.

(Mom): Alex! Play Smells Like Teen Spirit!

(Dad): Alex! Play Blitzkreig Bop!

(Cousin): Play some AC/DC!

(Aunt): Play some Floyd!


so it appears your name is Alex...
#26
I'd say practice alot and make sure you know a few songs
by heart before you play a gig. Open mics are a great place
to play if you dont have experience..

Most open mics welcome less experienced players and are
very forgiving if you make a mistake or two..its all about fun.
They love you as long as u try. Sometimes u can get with the
house band and they will make u sound great!!

Make sure you learn a few ballz to the wallz songs!!
Nothin like somebody saying ur playing two soft ..
and u buss out with *The stars that play..* by hendrix...
or *Spread Your Wings* by Black label..

Both are intermediate songs but sound insane!!
A simple rhythm and pentatonic solo can do it...
BLS covers are good because of crunchy palm mutes
and pinch harmonics. You dont hear those too often
at rock bars. You will be the man of the nite...

btw..somebody always screams Freebird!!
I bet Charlie Brown's teacher's name was Mrs.Hammett
Last edited by Washburnd Fretz at Jul 2, 2008,
#27
about the free bird thing, my band (which isn't quite ready for gigging yet) decided I should like play the slide intro part and then we just completely interrupt it and go into our next song on the list.
#29
Quote by madefortvmovie
i got sick of my friends/random people screaming freebird at me, so we learned freebird.

the next time people yelled it, we knew it and played it.


at my last gig I was heckled to play "Freebird," and I just went up the mic, and said "No." They shut up after that. that easy. Next time you should just throw your guitar down and feedback with it.
#30
i thought heckling was more like saying you suck or something...but that would be a booed category?
#31
Quote by amazing FretMan
i thought heckling was more like saying you suck or something...but that would be a booed category?


yeah it mite be more in the booing catergory. i dont consider requests heckling. now if they're screamin out names of songs cause your songs sound similar to it and they're makin a joke of your performance or unoriginality i'd call it heckling. could it be that your family was shoutin out songs to give you more time to shine?
#32
i guess i never really worried about hecklers, all i did was play my little set then bust out some Muddy Waters blues riff and we all take turns singing a verse, pissed drunk of course so it was all really fun... but if u dont know what to do, a good show pleaser would be to say "im sorry folks, i dont really know any of those songs you mentioned... but theres this little tune i wrote, its called (song name) and it sounds like this..."
#33
Quote by The4thHorsemen
about the free bird thing, my band (which isn't quite ready for gigging yet) decided I should like play the slide intro part and then we just completely interrupt it and go into our next song on the list.


haha thats basically what my band does. lol its a funny to watch all there faces light up and get excited..and then just shoot them down by switching to a much faster song after the slide part
#34
my band just go the whole shabang and play freebird as our last song/encore. we've started doing the time warp punk style though. plus the solo gives me a chance to thank all the other bands who we played with and the audience/venue/roadies etc, while soloing. its a strange talent i have to speak normally and solo at the same time...cos im crazy like that