#1
ok i posted this song wen i was half way through it now im done. crit it and w/e any help any suggestions. im open

I hope you no your the only one for me
as long as you no im here for you baby
I hope you no I need you, yea I need you
And even though its rough we’ll get threw

All these long and lonely nights
Without the love of my life
Makes it hard to sleep at night
Its far past midnight
And your all that I can think of
my love

And this day is going by to slow
For me to be alone and so
Ill write this song for you
For all the things you do for me
I love u soo much more baby

All these long and lonely nights
Without the love of my life
Makes it hard to sleep at night
Its far past midnight
And your all that I can think of
my love
#2
Quote by mikeweidner38
ok i posted this song wen i was half way through it now im done. crit it and w/e any help any suggestions. im open

I hope you no your the only one for me
as long as you no im here for you baby
I hope you no I need you, yea I need you
And even though its rough we’ll get threw
Check your speleeeng, "no" and "threw" are the wrong words. As far as the stanza itself, the end of line three has got to go. The entire thing felt a little cliche, and the rhythm felt disconjointed.

All these long and lonely nights
Without the love of my life
Makes it hard to sleep at night
Its far past midnight
Hate to say it, but these two lines were plain awful. The second line repeats "night", yet does not reach near the required length to associate with it in that manner.
And your all that I can think of
my love

And this day is going by to slow
"too"
For me to be alone and so
Ill write this song for you
For all the things you do for me
I love u soo much more baby
This entire verse felt wobbly, disconnected and overall goofy. Line three should stop at the end, but line four continues the thought. And if I hear the word "baby" one more time, I'm gonna kick you "squah" in the balls.

All these long and lonely nights
Without the love of my life
Makes it hard to sleep at night
Its far past midnight
And your all that I can think of
my love


Felt wobbly, cliche and yadayada. Sorry man...
Tear mine up if you want, in my sig.