#1
ok. im bored. entertain me with blonde jokes. please?

how do you drown a blonde? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Quote by necrosis1193
As usual Natrone's mouth spouts general win.

Quote by Silverstein14
man, Natrone you're some kind of ninja I swear


Quote by gregs1020
plexi


i realize the longshot that is. little giant to humongous one.


Rest In Peace Stevie Ray
#2
So this one time I was visiting Vegas, and I got thirsty, so I found a coke machine in the casino I was at. There was a blond chick getting soda, so I waited behind her. A few minutes have passed and she is STILL buying soda. She must have 15 cans of soda by now, so I ask her "Are you going to be done soon?" and she replies "Almost done?? Im winning!"

There are very few truly funny blond jokes.

Edit: Now black jokes on the other hand....
Gibson SG Standard
Ibanez S2170FB
Peavey JSX
Marshall 1960A
TEXAS A&M
Last edited by sacamano79 at Jun 29, 2008,
#3
Ya, that is true...
"Strangers passing in the street, by chance two separate glances meet, and I am you and what I see is me."
#4
There was a readhead, a brunette, and a blonde all stranded on an island 20 miles from the mainland, the readhead swam out 2 miles, got tired and swam back, the brunette swam out 3 miles, got tired and swam back, the blonde swam out 18 miles, got tired and swam back.
Fear the Evil Chainsaw Wielding Penguin...
#5
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Quote by steven seagull
There are no boring scales, just boring guitarists.

Quote by convictionless
dude calebrocker, that first song on your list almost made me cry
11/10
you win my good sir

^ My For Mom cover

Check out my MP3s!!
#6
my ex told me this one, ironically, she is a blonde:
her: How do you make a wind-tunnel?
me(avoiding the real answer): I dunno, how?
her: line up a bunch of blondes ear to ear
needless to say, i broke up with her.
#7
Quote by calebrocker
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.


Now that is one of the few that's actually funny.
#8
what do you call a blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? a blonde doing cartwheels naked
empty the bullets from the chamber
#9
this guy is sitting at home watching the game when his girlfriend calls. she's crying uncontrollably and tells her boyfriend "im sitting here trying to put together this puzzle and none of the pieces fit together and it doesnt look anything like the box!" and continues crying. knowing that she's emotionaly unstable and since she lives close by, the guy tells her he'll be right there. when he arrives, his girlfriend pulls him to the dining room table and says "see, look! its supposed to look like a tiger but nothing i try is making it look like a tiger!" the boyfriend trys his best not to laugh as he says "calm down baby. take a few deep breaths and sit down while i make you a drink. then as soon as you're done we'll put the frosted flakes back in the box."
Quote by necrosis1193
As usual Natrone's mouth spouts general win.

Quote by Silverstein14
man, Natrone you're some kind of ninja I swear


Quote by gregs1020
plexi


i realize the longshot that is. little giant to humongous one.


Rest In Peace Stevie Ray
#10
Quote by Arism
my ex told me this one, ironically, she is a blonde:
her: How do you make a wind-tunnel?
me(avoiding the real answer): I dunno, how?
her: line up a bunch of blondes ear to ear
needless to say, i broke up with her.


good for you
Quote by cakeandpiemofo
Quote by tuwyci
why are metal musicians prone to fatness?
Cause there music is heavy.


Writing music is hard D:
#11
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."


A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
Quote by steven seagull
There are no boring scales, just boring guitarists.

Quote by convictionless
dude calebrocker, that first song on your list almost made me cry
11/10
you win my good sir

^ My For Mom cover

Check out my MP3s!!
#12
Quote by calebrocker
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane...

That's a smart blond joke!

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


Quote by metal4eva_22
Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

Quote by Axelfox
It's not a fox,it's a wolf.
#13
Quote by Shinsen88
Now that is one of the few that's actually funny.


I agree
Gibson SG Standard
Ibanez S2170FB
Peavey JSX
Marshall 1960A
TEXAS A&M
#14
there is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead sitting at the bottom of the stairway to heaven. God has made a deal with them that if they can make it to the top of the 2000 step staircase without laughing at the jokes he tells at every step he'll let them into heaven. if not, they're off to hell. the brunette makes it up 200 steps and laughs. the redhead makes it up 1000 and laughs. the blonde, on the 1,999 step laughs. God then asks her "why did you laugh on the last step." and the blonde bluntly replies "because i got the first joke."
Quote by necrosis1193
As usual Natrone's mouth spouts general win.

Quote by Silverstein14
man, Natrone you're some kind of ninja I swear


Quote by gregs1020
plexi


i realize the longshot that is. little giant to humongous one.


Rest In Peace Stevie Ray
#15
Quote by Arism
my ex told me this one, ironically, she is a blonde:
her: How do you make a wind-tunnel?
me(avoiding the real answer): I dunno, how?
her: line up a bunch of blondes ear to ear
needless to say, i broke up with her.

well duh. you kinda gave that away at the beginning.
Quote by necrosis1193
As usual Natrone's mouth spouts general win.

Quote by Silverstein14
man, Natrone you're some kind of ninja I swear


Quote by gregs1020
plexi


i realize the longshot that is. little giant to humongous one.


Rest In Peace Stevie Ray
#16
Quote by Natrone
there is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead sitting at the bottom of the stairway to heaven


I got this far and then finished the thought with "and then jimmy page bitch slapped them with a les paul"
Gibson SG Standard
Ibanez S2170FB
Peavey JSX
Marshall 1960A
TEXAS A&M
#17
Quote by sacamano79
I got this far and then finished the thought with "and then jimmy page bitch slapped them with a les paul"

thats hilarious!
Quote by necrosis1193
As usual Natrone's mouth spouts general win.

Quote by Silverstein14
man, Natrone you're some kind of ninja I swear


Quote by gregs1020
plexi


i realize the longshot that is. little giant to humongous one.


Rest In Peace Stevie Ray
#18
A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English Channel Breast Stroke Competition.

The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived.

The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her. They embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered, "I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used their arms."