#1
I was hesitant so i read the rules for once and its acceptable to post short stories, so here it goes:

For the fourth or so time on that very night, he removed the tattered envelope from his tweed coat's breast pocket. He slipped his hands inside but hesitated...the thought of comfort is what he had hoped, but he knew it would come after the author spoke with him, which, very unfortuanately, happens to be his late wife. For some reason, all he could think about was how unshaven he was. He nearly jumped when his waitress spoke.
"Need anything, sir? Coffee?"
"So much more than that"
"Oh...coffee with sugar?"
Winston sighed with a sarcastic, "You know me all too well"
His failed attempts to look at her as she walked away didn't surprise him. He lit a cigarette and looked at the envelope again. After he placed the letter on the table infront of him, he started to wonder what the table thought of him. He started to speak, but the table beat him to it.
"You brought yourself to your discomfort. Why?" was the table's quizical statement.
"It's quite simple, but I don't think you'd understand." He ran his hand across his stubble.
"Why? Because I'm a table?"
"Exactly. As a table, you are immune to any form of feeling." The waitress came by and gave him his coffee. She forgot the sugar but drank it anyway. As he drank it, he suddenly awoke from the scalding heat of the coffee. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand, and felt the stubble too.
Warm coffee continued to flow into his body. The thought of the table came to his mind. Without him even noticing, the letter was back in his hand. "After thirty years, all you leave me is this goddamn letter", rubbing his stubble, the sound of his wisper startling him. "Maybe I am starting to go insa-", his thoughts were cut off by the sound of a voice. The voice was coming from the table. Or maybe his mind.
"if you wouldn't have loved, you wouldn't be in the hairy position that you are now. You haven't felt anything in thirty years". He began to wonder if it was from his wife or the alcohol.
"Whats your name, table?"
"I don't have one...but I call myself O'brien"
"Okay, O'brien. I'm Winston. Before I say good-bye, I'd like to tell you this. Back in 1954 when I first met her, I was the happiest in my life. I wouldn't have ever thought thirty years later that I'd be sitting here talking to a table about her, but let me tell you something. Living without love isn't living at all. One who thinks otherwise is a fool." For a minute, all Winston wanted to do was destroy O'Brien. And he did just that.
With that, he pulled a half full flask of gin out of his coat and poured it on the letter and table. He put a cigarette in his mouth, lit it with a match, then threw the match on the table. He watched it go up in flames as he felt his stubble. "Time to go shave", he told himself, and walked out of that godforsaken coffee house without looking back.


I've got another one that i'll post if this one recieves attention or whatever.


EDIT: why is it wall of texting? D:
"it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then to cease
to exist than to exist forever
and never be part of beauty"
-Don Marquis

Quote by nebraskan
People who are racist are probably the most ignorant alive.

A serious sig? WHATTT?
Last edited by skippertipper at Jun 29, 2008,
#2
i can't say i enjoyed it because i didn't really catch a main theme in there. there is a definite mood, but idk i didn't really get much out of it point-wise. it was well written for the most part though
#3
I'm gonna come back and give this a more thorough crit later, but for now I'll just say I think that although it was a good piece, you were very obvious with your themes.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#4
Thats exactly what i wanted! thanks, i'll rewrite them and repost them tonight/tomorrow

"it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then to cease
to exist than to exist forever
and never be part of beauty"
-Don Marquis

Quote by nebraskan
People who are racist are probably the most ignorant alive.

A serious sig? WHATTT?