#1
just some lyrics i threw together for an acoustic song (think all time low or taking back sunday)

you left an awkward silence
painted on my lips
and an image in my head
one that said we are still friends


the fire that once burnt so bright in your eyes
has finally burnt out
(along with my desire---->

so would you let me know--> if your gonna pull the trigger again
cos im not nearly ready--> to have it all blown away ag-ain

head over heels and ill keel over dead you never gave a S#17

dead in your arms and you drop me
dead in your arms and you drop me
dead in your arms and you drop me
dead in your arms and you drop me
#2
i think it sounds ok. you know wat u should do? this is just a suggestion but right after the dead in your arms bit, it should come in with an electric and some stronger percussion and then add some more lyrics and maybe a short solo. something like escape the fate or from first to last style. it seems like you would like their kind ofmusic so ya that would sound awesome if you mlike the idea go for it!
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#4
Quote by schecter_chris

you left an awkward silence
painted on my lips
and an image in my head
one that said we are still friends

There's a tense contradiction here between 'we are' and 'you left'.
Not bad. The 'image in my head' line might want phrasing in a different way to make it more original. The flow is weird, though it is there, and the rhyme is non-existent, which for song lyrics might be a bit of a problem unless you're able to counter it, obviously.


the fire that once burnt so bright in your eyes
has finally burnt out
(along with my desire---->

A cliched metaphor, with a cliched rhyme.

so would you let me know--> if your gonna pull the trigger again
cos im not nearly ready--> to have it all blown away ag-ain

head over heels and ill keel over dead you never gave a S#17

You're using loads of generic metaphors without explaining any of them to a point of interest.

dead in your arms and you drop me
dead in your arms and you drop me
dead in your arms and you drop me
dead in your arms and you drop me

With expansion, this here could turn in to something interesting. Infact, I think that of the whole piece.


As it is, you can tell that they were some lyrics you've 'thrown together'. With expansion and editing and putting in a clear rhyme scheme, these could become a lot more interesting. You have some good ideas, just need to think about the ways in which you're expressing them so the reader feels the same way about them as you do.
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