#1
Update: New section has been added, I've been fooling with this one so much that I've kind of lost perspective on it. Despite the fact that I really do like that second part, I just can't figure out if it gels with the song or is best save for later use in some other song.


Alright, this one is a major work in progress that I've been totally stuck on, so I'm in desperate need of some fresh ideas.

Most of the time I'll drop an idea for a while and revisit it later if I get stuck, but in this case, I was a fool and played it for my band, who suddenly want to make an actual song out of the thing, and now I'm under some pressure to actually finish the damn thing.

So, my real problem is it doesn't really feel like a song in the traditional sense, it just kind of gets stuck on that one riff, and I can't find a way to change to something else, except for that 4 bar turnaround without totally breaking the feel. I can't really figure out how to implement a chorus or how I should even arrange the damn thing.

Any suggestions on what I can do with this one would be a huge help. I love the sound and idea that the song is based around, but writing this style of thing is definitely not my forte.

A couple things to remember:

The drums are incomplete, and not very good to begin with. I'm new to drums, so it's kind of trial and error experimentation. If you feel the need to comment on how poor a job I did on the drums, please PLEASE give some kind of suggestion on how I'd actually improve them.

There will be vocals to offset the fact that it's a repeating riff. So don't tell me it repeats too often, unless you can suggest a way to break free of it while keeping the same basic feel.

I'll definitely be posting multiple versions of this one as it progresses.

C4C of course
Attachments:
Funk Me.zip
Last edited by icronic at Aug 8, 2008,
#2
The main riff is awesome, the intro solo thing was nice too. What you've got right now is really good and it does sounds like the beggining of a song, and I didnt found it repetitive neither, but you'll need another riff for the chorus atleast, so keep playing until something comes up!

mind critting mine? (new one in sig) Thanks.
#4
This is awesome. I love the strong groove, the creative drum work and fills, and the overall catchiness of the melody. The guitar set to Electric Guitar Clean does get a bit annoying from time, so try to see if you can made it blend into the mix a bit better. Other than that, the there's not really much to improve. It's great as it is!
Guitarist, Bassist, Drummer, Pianist, and Singer (if you consider Death Metal Growls and Screeches singing!)

My Songs:
Post-Hardcore(ish) Song
#5
The only thing you could do better is if you added more solo breaks. Maybe a bass groove in the middle somewhere. Some keyboards would sound good too.
Gear
MIM Stratocaster w/ Vintage Noiseless Pickups
VOX Valvetronix AD15
BOSS Blues Driver
VOX V847 Wah
Boss RC-2 Loop Station
#6
I enjoyed that that was cool, I actually had a look at this earlier and was thinking about saying something but then you did mines which was a coincedence.
The start bits really good, would make me want to keep listening, the drums are good in fact, suit it well, but then the clean guitar slid in(I was listening to the midi). The clean guitar kind of put the song down a bit, as its too loud, but then when it calms down into the regular pattern it suits it well, but is still too loud. The interlude or chorus or whatever at 0:40 flows well, the bass part goes into it well. That guitar solo there goes really well with the rest of it and the section at 1:32 is good. About 1:42 though that wee section doesn't really fit in, its not that bad but it just kind of doesnt flow or something, probably the middle note in the progression there or something, but that bit could be better different, then its clever how you did the rhythm at the end to sound like an ending, but it's the same as the beginning, and by the end youve forgot about the clean guitar being too loud, its probably just the volume change at the start is too high.
If I sound harsh Im just trying to find flaws to talk about but that was really good, I would enjoy it recorded as an instrumental (and thanks for the crit)



"Intense yet intricate" Scottish melodeath band, who have been reviewed live by Terrorizer, Metalgigs and Valkyrian Music in the past year

Get our debut EP Helveien, for free download.
#7
I don't really have any suggestions really. It was awesome. I would say just repeat what you already have and maybe do a little riff with a D major tonality once in a while to spice things up a bit.
Quote by Killian5-0
I was looking at a friend of mines baby that was just born and I said "He's younger than me"

Quote by Rocker_geek
nexteyenate you win
Linux
#8
this is the only one of your songs I haven't given a crit.

so anyways, the main riff is awesome. everything went together pretty perfectly. even the drums sounded good although you were doubtful. solo sounded great with the rhythm and the main riff never got annoying or old. this is a great start to a song.

as far as flaws or whatever go, the chorus seemed like it could be better. I personally think you used the triplet pattern way too much. maybe at the end of every 4 or 8 measures but every 2 seemed a bit repetitive. chorus was awesome though. great riffs in there. I think you could head right into another solo after what you have. I'm thinking a really slow melodic solo but whatever you wanna do. also, a bass solo would sound good soon.

but you're off to a great start! it's a catchy song too. had me dancin.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#10
Quote by ninja.kitty
.gp4 please?


GP4 is in there now. Also I fixed some of the mixing problems.

But talk about bringing this one back from the dead.

My band took the main riff from this one and we ended up making a 12 bar blues/rock song out of it. Anyway, the audience response to it has been really great so we're going to record it as a demo.

Never bothered turning that one into a GP version though, because it'd be pretty boring without the lyrics

Still working on this version though, it's kind of taken the back burner to other songs. I'll eventually do a re-revival of this thread when I finish it, but probably not until then.

Its_Rock77; you're just dying for a bass solo aren't you? I've been listening to quite a bit of funk stuff lately and been trying to get a feel for the bass stuff. Trying to steal some ideas from Les Claypool and Flea and the like as well. So there's definitely one in the making.
#11
do you want it to be more funky or rock style?

in case you want it to be more funky: try to put some more variations to the funky guitar, like some slides or wah-wah. i think it would also be good to play less notes sometimes.
in addition, the main riff sounds much better if you mute the first guitar or change it to a clean sound. i think you will hear the effect

overall, this sounds really nice, you have the foundation of a very good song!
#12
Well I really enjoyed that. The riff itself is great, and I liked the triplets in the chorus, it gave it a lot of energy along with the drums. My favourite part though, are the solo fills, which just sound so smooth and hit just the right notes, it fits perfectly. Still very much a work in progress I agree, but all the elements so far have a lot of potential.

It would be great to hear that demo in some form, though.

I would ask for C4C, but nobody likes Powertabs and tranfers to GP sounded like crap, so nevermind