#1
Hey guys. I've been playing guitar for about two and a half years now, getting close to three years. I've done a bit of messing around with songwriting, and most of my friends who I show my stuff to love everything I write, even if I might not possibly like it. So I thought that I'd take a song I've written recently and post it here so you guys can tell me what you think of it and what parts are crap and what parts are good and what parts I could improve upon.

The song was written in about two days, as it was written for a friend's birthday. I pretty much wrote the song then stayed up all night recording it and then emailed it to her. She told me she loved it, so I guess from that point of view it was a success, but I was interested to see what you guys thought of it and how you would rate it compared to some other music.

So, enough chatter, have a listen. I've uploaded it in Guitar Pro 4 and 5 format and MIDI in case you don't have Guitar Pro.
Attachments:
Lisahh's song.zip
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#2
You recorded this? You should show us the mp3

I like this song, because it has an interesting view on metal. Very groovy and swingy, not the overused chugging we see this days.

The main riff that starts on bar 1 is very catchy and swingy, I would like to hear it in real sound.

The riff at bar 17 fits in quite nicely, but I don't like the B power chord in the last bar of this riff.

The riff at bar 33 reminds me of Hocus Pocus by Helloween (edit: woops, sorry, I din't see that Hocus Pocus is a Focus cover!), its very...happy

I realy liked the solo, you're not trying to fill in space by shredding, you just look for good melodies. I like that.

The song ends a little abruptly, maybe you could change the outro a bit.

Overall, I like it, you should show us a recording! 9/10
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#3
Woo, one critique!

Well I actually posted a thread in the original recordings section with a link to the recording, but no-one replied to it which made me very sad. If you want to listen to it it's on my music Myspace. I figured I'd post it here because the recording's not the best. I've got crap equipment and I'm still learning about recording stuff.

Yeah, Pantera are one of my favourite metal bands, and I like to think that they have had an influence on my writing, particularly in this song. I could be wrong though.

Yeah, about that B power-chord... I started writing this like, the day before my friend's birthday, then wrote the entire thing that day and stayed up all night recording it, so it is a bit rushed. I wasn't quite happy with that riff but I just didn't quite have the time to tweak it.

Lol, the riff at bar 33 is actually very heavily based on a riff by a local band. I don't think they've heard the song though so I doubt they know I'm stealing their riff. There's also another part of the song that is based on part of a rather well-known death-metal song, bonus points if you pick up on it.

Haha, the solo would have been more shreddy if I thought I could play it. But I suck at guitar, so I thought I'd just keep it nice and simple so I could actually play it, as I didn't have lots of time to practice it.

The song was supposed to end abruptly, like a build up to a sudden stop, but it didn't quite turn out the way I'd imagined it in my head. Maybe I'll go back and try and make it sound like I'd imagined it in my head.

So anyway, thanks for the critique, and glad you enjoyed the song.
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#4
Sounds pretty sweet. Especially the solo.
I do think that the same kinda rythm is is used for almost every riff
Nothing wrong with that, but you should change it up a bit.
Makes it more interesting.

Maybe throw in some lead riffs over the rythm?

And just some tweaks here and there would improve it.

It's pretty cool though

~Loki <3
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#5
Haha yeah, pretty much the same rhythm the entire way through. Well, I found something I liked so I thought I'd stick with it.

As for the leads, maybe. I never really thought of that. I just kind of wanted it to be a groovy song, one that you could maybe dance around to even though it's kinda metal. But yeah, I guess it does kinda need either some lead lines or vocals. *shrugs*

As for tweaking it, I'm not really sure where, cause I'm pretty happy with the entire thing. The only two places I would tweak are the places that Worhan mentioned, the riff with the B power-chord and the ending. The rest of it I thought was pretty good.

Thanks for the review.
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#6
Ahh, digging the groove.

Just like Worhan says, very groovy and swingy, I like it. Not heard much these days.

I really liked the solo, nice and simple, melodic. I'm a big sucker for melody, David Gilmour, despite being the cliche, being one of my fav guitarists.

It's very hard to crit, seeing as I can find next to no flaws, I'm hunting for them atm.

Bar 55, try change it, I don't think it's the best way to end that phrase, something about repeating C to D from bar 53 just didn't sound right.

Also not really a criticism, but you could try sort of do a bit of a walking bassline in it. It'd go well, and be alot cooler than copying the rhythm guitar. Or not so much a walking bassline, but something with that sort of feel. Monsters by Matchbook Romance is a good example of what I mean. And I realise that sort of bassline wouldn't work in this context, but manipulate it so it does.

But in the end these are just suggestions, and wtf do I know? So feel free to write them off as useless ones.
#7
Well who wouldn't like Dave Gilmour! He's great. Even though I only know like two Pink Floyd songs. Phail.

Really? I quite liked the chords in the solo. What exactly do you think is wrong with it?

Haha, there's no way I could make the bass play something different to the guitars. xD I'm not that clever!
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#8
Ahh, listen to High Hopes, the live version from Pulse is probably the best. Also listen to Yet Another Movie, I don't know if it's on any studio album, but you can find a version live in 1989 off The Delicate Sound Of Thunder.

And it wasn't the chords in the solo, it was the lead guitar. Just the C to D in bar 55.

And give the bassline idea a try, I'm not that clever either, but it's always good to try.

Edit: I took the liberty to provide you with links, however, be patient with Yet Another Movie, it takes about a minute or so to get good.
Last edited by Regression at Jul 7, 2008,
#9
As you have taken the time to provide me with links I shall take the time to watch them fully.

Ah yeah, now I know the part you're talking about. I quite like that part, what would you do instead?

As for the bass thing, well, I've honestly got no idea what to do lol. If you wanna try something and then send it to me so I can expand on it I'm up for that.
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#10
I really really love the feel you've got going on in this one. Makes me want to actually move my head to the music.

I really really enjoyed the solo. I know you said you'd do it more shred if you were actually capable of playing that way, but for this song, I think the fact that you "suck" at guitar is working in your favour. I think so many advanced guitar players forget to play like this once they've obtained the skill and confidence to play super fast.

Anyway, when I listened to the GP version of the song I thought it was kind of repetitive, but after listening to the actual recording you linked to, it seems just perfect the way it is. The only thing that I might do differently is add some very sparse lead guitar stuff over top of your rhythm. Nothing fancy just a few notes here and there to fill it out.

I also like Regressions idea of fooling around some more with the bass line. You I could picture some cool stuff you might do with it. When I'm doing bass lines, I end up just writing down the notes in the key I'm in, writing down the chord tones for the chords I'm using, and then play around with all those notes until I get something that seems like it works
#11
Yeah, well with the whole shred solo thing, it wouldn't be like an uber shred fest, more just like a couple of fast licks here and there. Just more of a bouncy solo all over, to fit the overall mood of the song. As it is the solo has a completely different feel to the rest of the song. Not that that's a bad thing, it just is. So, yeah. I like it, but at the same time I kinda wish I'd done something that was more in keeping with the feel of the rest of the song. Oh well, it turned out pretty cool.

As for the bass idea, well, I'll give it a shot, but I seriously have no idea where to start. However I'll see what I can do and show you guys how it goes.
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#12
Hey sorry for the delay - thanks for critting my song (i dont think you were harsh it was my first attempt and i kinda agree with everything you said!)

Anyways i had a listen to Lisah's Song - i liked it. I dont have that much to say that hasnt already been said. I defo started nodding my head when the main riff came back in with the drums at bar 9.

Only thing i didnt like so much was the cymbal starting at bar 72 and again at bar 80 i thought it was a little too obtrusive. But apart from that it was good.
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#13
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Only thing i didnt like so much was the cymbal starting at bar 72 and again at bar 80 i thought it was a little too obtrusive. But apart from that it was good.

Ah ok, noted. I personally quite liked it, I thought it gave it a kind of Pantera feel, maybe Revolution Is My Name? I wanted to build it up for the ending, just change it up and do something different. I guess that's just something that's personal taste.
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#14
i like it, you can really hear the pantera influence. very "Psycho Holiday-ish." good stuff!
#16
Very nice, it gets your foot tapping.

The solo was brilliant. Simple, it fit, and the riff itself was very great. Almost sounds like something Sabbath would come up with.

4/5, the bass coulda used a fill or two, but still a very nice job. =]