#1
This song was written to Meshugguh's new album Obzen, and seeings how this song is metaphor based ill just spin off a few translations -

"Forbidden melodies of the IRON tongue" - meaning metal

"prized from the fading fingers of its cold cohort" - How metal was a "shunned" music genre with few fans (in comparison to other music) and has taken off in recent years

"Forever-churning, is the stomach-of-the-beast" - the "moshpit"

"gladiatorial judgment,
Within the Coliseum abattoir," - Loosely meaning the strongest survive in the moshpit, bieng refered to as the Coliseum Abbattoir (Coliseum slaughterhouse)


Forbidden melodies of the iron tongue,
swept beneath a cultures curtains,
prized from the fading fingers of its cold cohort,

the twinkling flame,
Submerged in a flood of gasoline,
Igniting the phoenix
that’s born from the ash's

Assaulting the refined

Anthem of the damned,

Bestowed upon a fanatic few, allegiance until death departs,
Forever-churning, is the stomach-of-the-beast,
turbulent in its bloody mass, untold power of revolt,

Dialect-of-upheaval, perceived-with-revulsion
Sinister complexities, gladiatorial judgment,
Within the Coliseum abattoir,
ONLY……..THE-STRONGEST, SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

The fists of rage released upon a world of peace.

P.S - It is a very short song, and i want to make it longer, so im writing more lyrics.
#2
Quote by LyricalDemon
Forbidden melodies of the iron tongue,
swept beneath a cultures curtains,
prized from the fading fingers of its cold cohort, <- too much alliteration lags the flow a bit
A good opening verse, it delivers the subject well.

the twinkling flame,
Submerged in a flood of gasoline,
Igniting the phoenix
that’s born from the ash's
At first read I didn't really get this verse, your use metaphors can be a overwhelming, but they're easy enough to understand.

Assaulting the refined

Anthem of the damned,

Bestowed upon a fanatic few, allegiance until death departs,
Forever-churning, is the stomach-of-the-beast, <- no hyphens needed
turbulent in its bloody mass, untold power of revolt,

Dialect-of-upheaval, perceived-with-revulsion <- again
Sinister complexities, gladiatorial judgment,
Within the Coliseum abattoir,
ONLY……..THE-STRONGEST, SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
I don't really like this verse, as it's kind of going against the whole "metalheads rising up" theme, and sort of changes it into just a song about metal in general, with no real ideas behind it.

The fists of rage released upon a world of peace.
I really like this line, as it continues the whole "metal uprising" theme.

It's a really good piece in general, although I would make a few changes myself, mostly the "Coliseum abattoir" verse, as it detracts from the whole "Metal uprising" theme you set in the first verses.

And yeah, your use of metaphors is a bit overwhelming, but they work really well in this case, and they are fairly easy to understand as well.

Good work man, keep it up, can't wait to see the final product
Last edited by Ezuma at Jun 30, 2008,