#1
just wrote it before bed a few days ago
sound pretty emo but tell me what u think.
__________________
just keep on walking by
don't even say you tried
there is nothing bout me
that's extrodanary

just please dont waste your time
im not even worth i dime
once you see me
please forget me

i will die
alone and by myself
with nobody around
please just kill me
i can't keep breathing

and once i die
hearing all the sounds
floating all around
im in heaven

all the people around
never show a frown
they keep on dancin
to the music

theres puppies all around
candy by the pound
the hills are lovely
the flowers pretty

thats how all spend my life
eating cake all night
it's all so pleasant
till eternity
#3
Quote by 6-string-yay
.. sounds like u were kinda high

well the last 2 parts..
.. still :P

ahaha, i agree
#5
lol, good read, have to agree with the other two comments. Good word choice. I like the style. Kinda reminds me of some Train stuff the way I read it to myself. I'm not sure how I feel about "Just please don't waste your time" though. It seems like some sort of disagreement clause but I'm not positive on how to define it myself. Overall, good read.


ps. if you could return the favor on the piece in my sig, I would really appreciate it!
#8
Quote by rre44
just wrote it before bed a few days ago
sound pretty emo but tell me what u think.
__________________
just keep on walking by
don't even say you tried
tried what?
there is nothing bout me
that's extrodanary
personally i don't like "bout" i'd have it as about. and if you wanted to keep the number of syllables the same lose the "that's" before extraordinary. oh yeah, i also think that it would flow better without the "on" in the frist line.

just please dont waste your time
im not even worth i dime
"i dime"? not, a dime?...
once you see me
please forget me

i will die
alone and by myself
with nobody around
not sure about this, you've just said the same thing three times. you could use that space to describe the guy a bit more and in doing so give him more of a character.
please just kill me
i can't keep breathing

and once i die
hearing all the sounds
floating all around
im in heaven

all the people around
never show a frown
they keep on dancin
to the music

theres puppies all around
this is the third time you've used around. maybe mix it up a little?
candy by the pound
the hills are lovely
the flowers pretty

thats how all spend my life
this doesnt seem to make sense. all spend my life?
eating cake all night
it's all so pleasant
till eternity
i feel it should be, for eternity


as you say it is a bit emo, which isn't really my thing. i did like how you described heaven though, the words you used were, nice. like afternoon tea kinda nice, "pretty, lovely, pleasant" it was different.

*edit*

oh, and i don't think you sound high.