#1
Hey all.

Wrote this song a couple of years ago. Kind of a mopie song about contraditions in my faith. I put it to music a couple of times. This is the most recent. What do you think?

http://www.kandamedia.com/K%20&%20A%20Media/Rescue%20Me.mp3

I played guitar, drums, and tried to sing. My brother added the bass guitar.

It's to late for me to change my ways, I have tried so many things
No matter what I say or do, I just can't get through to You.
My mind is full of hopes and dreams of maybe what someday I'll be,
but right now I could use some help, if Your around, I can't tell.


I don't know, but I've been told, that Your the only one that can make me whole.
I can't see where You are now, please rescue me, someway somehow.


What I've done is all my fault, I take the blame and I took the fall,
The things I do hurt the ones I love, I try so hard to rise above.
I only want to do what's right, but sometimes I don't know what's black or white,
All I know is You are here, I want so bad to feel You near.


I don't know, but I've been told, that Your the only one that can make me whole.
I can't see where You are now, please rescue me, someway somehow.


Bridge
I love You more than anything. I need You more than the air I breathe.

I don't know, but I've been told, that Your the only one that can make me whole.
I can't see where You are now, please rescue me, someway somehow.

Please rescue me someway somehow.


See what I mean...full of contradictions. I believe that God is there, but I don't understand why He doesn't answer when I call....

Thanks for letting me share.
#2
mm.. i would do a full crit.. but i'm too tired. and way to damn lazy... so.. overall.. i found it very cliche.... mm i'll just say.. you better have some BADASS rhythm and some pretty tight rift and some catchy toons.
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
#3
Thanks for the response. I put the link to the .mp3 on the posting.

I usually come up with the riff first, then just build from there. I try to write sincere lyrics that flow well with the song. I don't try to get word smithy, which I think is cliche.
#4
meh touche.. i'm not saying you should be word crazy. i just think that this doesnt really break new ground or really inspire anything, great music/poems dont need to be "word smithy" they just break new grounds and get away from the norm
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")