#1
For those of you who don't know, a limerick is a short, 5 line poem with an AABBA rhyme scheme. Lines 1, 2, and 5 have 7 to 10 syllables, lines 3 and 4 have 5 to 7. Post one you heard, found online, or write your own:

There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

There was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat.

One fine day while digging for stories
Through the interwebs informative quarries
I found a limerick thread
And dreamed of epic street cred
If I could just come up with a good last line

There once was a man who was old
Whose thirst for a drink was untold
As he reached for his cup
Never gonna give you up!
You guys just got limerick rolled
#2
No.
Quote by MoshPitRock
ANIMALS LIE DOWN.
that's just what they do.
there's probably humans doing the same thing.
quit being so paranoid.


#3
I fucking LOVE limericks.

There was a young lady from Rye
Who ate some green apples and died
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her insides

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were trapped, so what did that do?
Said the fly 'let us flea!'
Said the flea 'let us fly!'
So they flew through a hole in the flue

There was a young lad from Tribbling
Whose hobby was basket-ball dribbling
But he dribbled one day
On to a busy freeway
And now his sister is missing a sibling
EDIT: Awwww yeah.
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
Last edited by JamesDouglas at Jul 1, 2008,
#4
There once was a lady from Morton,
Who had a long tit and a short 'un.
To make up for that,
She had a tight tw*t
And a fart like an 850 Norton.

There once was a fellow named Derkin
Obsessed with jerkin' his gherkin.
His wife said 'Now Dirkin,
By jerkin your gherkin,
You're shirkin' your ferkin,
YOU BASTARD!!!'
#5
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.

When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My Mother, she told me no end,
"If you got a tooth, you got a friend"
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite!

If I'd known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fiIlin's
Injections and drillin's
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
"Two amalgum," he'll say, "for in there."

How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin'
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
You're So Scene Right Now ^_^


Quote by Kensai
Finally his girlfriend found out what it was like giving oral sex to fishsmelling genital organs.
#6
There once was a man named Magoo.
He fell asleep in a canoe.
He dreamt of a woman named Venus
Placed his hand on his penis
And woke up with a handful of goo.
Quote by Kensai
I know a good joke:

Women's rights.
Quote by Chubbychunks
I know a good joke:

Kensai's life.
#7
The once was a man from Maritious (sp?)
who said his last f*ck was delicious
but he said "next time i cum,
it'll be in your bum,
cos that scab on your c*nt looks suspicious"

its a little immature but one of the best i've heard

EDIT: these are always better read aloud
#8
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
While wiping his chin,
He said with a grin,
"If my ear were a c*nt, I could fu*k it."
#9
'You guys just got limerick rolled' Thats brilliant!!! lmao

There was a place called the pit
posted in which was mindless sh!t
instead of their guitar on their lap
all they do is fap
and now they can hardly sit


Quote by dogismycopilot
Absent Mind, words cant express how much i love you. Id bone you, oh yea.

Quote by lumberjack
Absent Mind is, as usual, completely correct.

Quote by littlemurph7976
Id like to make my love for Neil public knowledge as he is a beautiful man
#10
nice thread idea
all i know is the micheal finnagin one
you know there was once a man called michael finnagin
and im not sure if that is a limerick:P
Pull my finger

Quote by Explicit User

"Kyle.. Do you know what homosex is?"
me:"...yes... why?"
"Do you want to have it?"
Me again:"...no Anthony..no i don't"
"Oh.. okay.. good night"

haha

Quote by madhampster
Dear god the pit is a force to be reckoned with.
#11
There was a lady from south Carolina
who took a cruise on a big ocean liner
she said to the stoker
a bit of a joker
"it's high time you saw Indo-China"

The artist formerly known as Prince,
On stage he would posture and mince.
Then just for a giggle
Changed his name to a squiggle,
And nobody's heard of him since.

Michael Jackson's a bit of a card -
Every bit of himself he'll discard.
He's rebuilt his face
From all over the place,
Now his buttocks are terribly scarred.

A lion with a surgical truss
Said: "I don't want to make any fuss
But that damn unicorn
Keeps on showing me soft porn.
It's not a thing that I care to discuss."
Quote by saphrax
Bit harsh I think! He comes back for the last 10 minutes against Roma, after being out all season, and you want him crippled again? You harsh wanker!


Aimed at me for saying I hope Gary Neville breaks all his limbs
#12
There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
In less than an hour
His arms were in flower
And his hair was a riot of weeds
#14
There was an old man from sydney
who had a strong fetish for kidneys
He visited a bum
filled him with cum
Then when he came he bit me
███████
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#15
Not a limerick, but

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
This one doesn't
#16
there once was a man from Nantucket
who's **** was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
while wiping his chin
If my ear was a twat I would **** it

EDIT- beaten to it

A daring young woman named Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And bits of her anus in Dallas
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
Last edited by wiggy1988 at Jul 1, 2008,
#17
There once was a man from Gosham
Who took out his bollocks to wash em
His wife said Jack
If you don't put them back
I'll stand on the bastards and squash em

Lee Evans FTMFW
Quote by Mike!
This man IS the truth.



Quote by aznmetalhead93
Walk out naked with a sock around your dick. He'll be so surprised he won't shoot you. Then rape him. Hard. With melted butter as lube.


Join the Xbox Live group
#18
there once was a man from Peru
who dreamt he was eating his poo
then one day
to his great dismay
he found that his dream had come true
Quote by Machanix
We play guitar.... we're automatically on top of the world.

Life Is A Lemon And I Want My Money Back!

A Wasted Youth
Is Better By Far
Than A Wise And Productive Old Age

Good Girls Go To Heaven, But The Bad Girls Go Everywhere!
#19
There was a man named descartes
his philosophy notions were hearty
he sat in his tub
and his head did he rub
and he was always the life of the party
#20
Quote by SlackerBabbath
There once was a lady from Morton,
Who had a long tit and a short 'un.
To make up for that,
She had a tight tw*t
And a fart like an 850 Norton.

There once was a fellow named Derkin
Obsessed with jerkin' his gherkin.
His wife said 'Now Dirkin,
By jerkin your gherkin,
You're shirkin' your ferkin,
YOU BASTARD!!!'

This one is fun to read aloud

I don't have any lymericks
#21
i know someone called adam limerick. lol, i can't contribute anything other than that though.
#22
there once was a guy named jim
who was actually really quite dim
the program 'Hulk Hogan'
was really a Trojan
that poor dim guy named Jim.
??? Fund: cba to keep up with it.
will at least try when I get a jerb
੧_\\\

yours,

Alex (mcfreaki)
#23
There once was a man from D.C.,
He dreamed of drinking his pee,
He woke in the night
And to his delight
his willy was hanging freely.

This is my narrative^.
#25
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#26
Then there's the classic 'Good Ship Venus' otherwise known as 'Friggin In The Riggin' when it was covered by the Sex Pistols.
There are many versions of it but this is probably the best known

'Twas on the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us;
The figurehead
Was a wh*re in bed
Sucking a dead man's pen!s.

The captain's name was Lugger.
By Christ he was a bugger.
He wasn't fit
To shovel sh!t
From one ship to another.

The first mate's name was Carter.
By God he was a farter.
When the wind wouldn't blow,
And the ship wouldn't go,
Carter the farter would start 'er.

The second mate's name was Hopper.
By God he had a whopper;
Twice round the deck,
Thrice round his neck,
And up his arse for a stopper.

The second mate was Andy,
By Christ he had a dandy,
Till they crushed his c*ck
On a jagged rock
For coming in the brandy.

The third mate's name was Morgan,
By god he was a gorgon,
From half past eight
he played till late,
Upon the captain's organ.

The captain's wife was Mabel,
And by God was she able
To give the crew
Their daily screw
Upon the galley table.

The captain's daughter Charlotte,
Was born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs at night
were lily white,
By morning they were scarlet.

The cabin boy was Kipper,
By Christ he was a nipper.
He stuffed his arse
with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

The captain's lovely daughter
Liked swimming in the water.
Delighted squeals
Came when some eels
Swam into her sexual quarters.

The cook his name was Freeman,
He was a dirty demon,
He fed the crew
On menstral stew
And hymens fried in semen.

The ship's dog's name was Rover,
We turned that poor thing over,
And ground and ground
that faithful hound
From Tenerife to Dover.

And when we reached our station,
Through skillful navigation,
The ship got sunk
in a wave of spunk,
From too much fornication.
#27
there once was a girl who had the runs
her friend had a cup and wanted some fun......s
killing two birds with one stone
they filmed the whole thing on their phone
and to that vid some UGers do cum......s
hello